Part of Ray Rice’s off-season training regiment appears to involve running up and down metal bleachers while hoisting two 15-gallon steel kegs. This impressed me, at least until I saw this story about a legless man scaling Mount Kilimanjaro using only his hands. Then I got exhausted from reading. Then I made a sandwich. #Motivation

Kim Kardashian is interested in RGIII, because of course she is. Kim K. is always into the hottest new black peen.

– Former Saints fullback Mike Karney, who was identified in of those awesomely bad bounty Powerpoint slides as MIKE F*CKING KARNEY when he played against New Orleans as a member of the Rams in 2009, had this to say of his former team: “Evil does not prevail. Everything in life eventually comes back to you full circle. It brought them a Super Bowl championship. But it also brought them a lot of bad baggage. There’s a lot of evil in that organization.” Well, there’s your problem right there. THEY DID PREVAIL. And if the opposite of evil is playing for the Rams, hand me a pitchfork already.

– Terrell Owens misery porn courtesy of Grantland, in case you’re interested.

- An Oakland Raiders assistant trainer saved a woman from a sinking car, thus fulfilling the team’s mandatory good deed for the millennium.

– Eli Manning is one of several notable athletes appearing in this PSA opposing violence against women. What, no Brandon Marshall? Seeing as how Eli’s three lines are “Listen up!” “We have to change!” and “One is too many!” there’s a decent chance Elisha didn’t even know what this video was about. It’s possible when he visited the White House, staffers had him say a couple concerned-sounding phrases into a camera. “Don’t worry, we’ll edit them into a PSA of our choosing later.”