I’ll apologize at the outset for the lack of a death blow in this giraffe fight. I guess Discovery prefers not to be things like “exploitative” or “fun”. Either way, I enjoy the supreme awkwardness of this battle. It’s like the animal kingdom equivalent of a kicker fight in full pads, and they could only actually kick each other. Holy sh*t, I would pay so much money to see that. As much as, [checks pockets], four singles and a bar receipt.

There’s also the informative detail that the giraffes need not worry about the safety of their necks during the scrum because they have 12-inch-thick vertebrae. Any day now I expect to hear news of Peyton Manning getting giraffe implants.