You knew it wouldn’t take long for some to use the apparent suicide of Junior Seau as a springboard to discuss Quasi-Weighty-Esque Issues. You also need not be told that no one is better at parsing lofty thought nuggets than KSK’s white whale, Peter King. What the hell, take it away, Petey:


Lock up the kids, the football boogeyman (or boogeymen) is on the loose. Parents, you might want to consider pulling your kids out of schools. What those “educators” don’t tell you is that, more often than not, there’s a football field out back of the school, just lying in wait to engulf an innocent child in its destructive vortex. Don’t think you’re safe just because you’re home-schooling them. If you’re not too careful, you could have a little Timmy Tebow on your hands.

I don’t intend to soft-pedal the issue of concussions and their inimical long-terms effects on the brains of players. That the league is just finally starting to get serious on the issue is a positive, even if the way that the league approaches it is often haphazard. But to say this is a tipping point where football has been pushed beyond the pale of mainstream sport is ridiculous. Yes, some parents will not allow their kids to play the game. But those are likely the same ilk as PK: upper-middle to high class white people who get all their news from The New York Times and NPR and some shithead baseball writer with hackneyed takes on current events. They weren’t gonna let precious Prancibald put on a helmet. That’s been the case for a good long while. It’s not as though football likely leading to injury is a shocking new revelation.

And what are the chances that your kid even makes in football long enough that he would have to begin to worry about these issues? My biggest worry for my kid is the infinitesimally small possibility that he might one day become a professional football player?

By the way, Mike Flanagan and Hideki Irabu have both committed suicide in the past year. So there, PK, you dickhead baseball fan. “Ahhhhh, baseball is guaranteed to leave you dead, alone, and possibly a former Yankee!” No sport is safe, young one!

Barely related but worthy of inclusion while we’re clowning on PK: