In a show of force by new head coach Greg Schiano, who seems eager to prove that he’s a true Belichick disciple, the Buccaneers will either trade or release tight end/soldier Kellen Winslow because he skipped the start of the team’s “voluntary” OTAs. More damning to us is that the week before Winslow had been DJing in Vegas and saying things like “Creed was awesome.”
Such laxity will not stand in the Schiano regime, for the new coach wants what he calls “Buccaneer Men”. That’s less a team philosophy than it is a name for the worst musical ever. But what qualities comprise a Buccaneer Man? Flamboyant ones, no doubt. We turned to one of those swashbuckling, seafaring types for insight:
ARRRGHHH A BUCCANEER MAN NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT HIS SILK SCARVES
ARRRGHHH A BUCCANEER MAN ALWAYS SHOWS UP FOR OTA’S WITH A CASK OF RUM FOR HIS MATES
AAARRRRGGHHH A BUCCANEER MAN NEVER WEARS BASS BUCS AFTER LABOR DAY
BRING WITH YE ENOUGH THROW PILLOWS FOR THE WHOLE CREW OR NONE AT ALL
ARRRRGHHH A BUCCANEER MAN IS FREE TO LEAVE WHATEVER COLLEGE PIRATE SHIP HE PLEASES AT ANY TIME
YARRRRRRR ONLY THE FINEST CITRUS FOR ME GROG
YARRRR WE TRADED WINSLOW FOR A FLAGON OF ALE AND A BARREL OF HARDTACK.
ARRRRRRRGGGHHH NO REACHAROUND, NO BERTH YOU’LL FIND IN THE SLEEPING QUARTERS
ARRRRGHHH A BUCCANEER MAN NE’ER STOPS PLUNDERIN, EVEN WHEN HIS WOODEN LEG BE SPLINTERIN IN TWAIN
YARRRRRRRR A BUCCANEER MAN IS TOGGED IN PEWTER, THOUGH HE LONGS FOR THE MORE FLATTERED SHERBET
WERE YE SWINDLED BY THE LEGARRETTE BLOUNT FANTASY FOOTBALL HYPE? HARR, SAYS I. HARR HARR
THE NEXT CURSED ONE OF YE WHO MENTIONS THE WEST COAST OFFENSE WILL BE CAST DOWN TO DHANI JONES LOCKER
YARRRRRRR BE YE PIRATE OF PENZANCE, CARIBBEAN OR SOMALIAN, YE BE EXPECTED TO CARRY YOUR OWN TUNES
I want more like this!
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