Darnell Dockett’s birthday cake is pretty trill, but lacks a necessary frosting gator, so I won’t be partying with him.
– T.O. has been released from the Indoor Football League team he was playing for because he skipped a scheduled appearance with teammates at a children’s hospital. Don’t all the doctors wear clown facepaint there? I would steer clear as well.
– A rank-and-file Packers employee who received a Super Bowl ring last year went and pawned the thing. The ring was bought by a 71-year-old fan for an undisclosed amount. I’ll go ahead and assume he paid by digging into his vast cache of Midwestern stereotypes.
– Eagles defensive coordinator Juan Castillo said that he would take a bullet for Andy Reid. At first, Andy was dismayed, because he thought Castillo might have been talking about Quiznos Bullet Sandwiches. Then he realized he meant the kind of bullets that drug dealers fire at the Reid kids and was relieved. And hungry.
– Warren Sapp has a tell-all book out in which he sh*ts on everyone. In particular, I enjoy how he refers to Trent Dilfer as “an interception waiting to happen.”
– In this Buy Under Armour or Die advertainment clip, Troll Brady gets fake trolled by an annoying sporting goods clerk and we all get trolled by a parody video that involves Brady and BAHHSTAN accents and yet still provides no laughs. Truly, a work of meta troll genius.
– Speaking of meta, Lolo Jones says Tim Tebow has a secret girlfriend. But I thought the beard was the one you paraded around for all to see?
– Todd McFarlane, who still hasn’t refunded me my $10 for the Spawn movie, is putting out a Hines Ward action figure in November commemorating his brief role in The Dark Knight Rises. Finaree, arr wirr have chance own keepsake of numbell one smaltest leceivel foll Gotham Logues, arr-time.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.