Because Tebow-baiting has become the new official national pastime, an Iowa girl took a cardboard cutout of Tim Tebow as her date to prom after the actual Tebow didn’t respond to her plea to escort her.

Classmates convinced Bird to enter the gym as a “couple” at the grand march. She decided to do it. Announcer Scott Bahrke introduced her last. “Rachel Bird,” Bahrke said. “Escorted by Tim Tebow.”

“He was a cheap date, and he didn’t talk much,” Bird joked. “And when I asked him to stand in a corner, he did. I don’t think it even hurt his feelings.”

Bird took Tebow home to change for the after-prom party. And that’s where she left him. “The after-prom would have been too much,” she said of her quarterback idol. “He was tired. He’d been smiling all night.”

Aw, that’s a little sad. She’s not heinous. Girl could have gotten an actual date if she wanted. Her mistake was asking the wrong Jets QB. Sanchez would’ve definitely flown 2,000 miles to get with a teenager.

- Ocho played waiter for a day for fellow Patriots receivers Deion Branch, Brandon Lloyd and Julian Edelman. Actually, Ocho declined to serve Edelman then played the race card, saying “after 400 years of slavery, I think he can wait.” Probably a better way to play it than assuming he won’t get a decent tip out of Jewkah!

- As you probably know, Elisha will be hosting SNL this weekend. Here are the promos NBC has whipped up. They aren’t particularly noteworthy save for the fact that Eli sounds like he’s wearing braces. C’mon, kid, get the marbles out of your mouth. Could be he’s just getting into character for an appearance on a Miley Cyrus Show sketch.

- FBI agents arrested three former NFL players for “setting up a check-cashing store ‘front’ in North Miami, where the players are accused of cashing dozens of fraudulently obtained tax-refund checks and seeking a loan — all totaling hundreds of thousands of dollars.” Great job, FBI, but why are you relying on Deadspin to protect NBA Memes from the threat of fraud?

- The Bucs signed paralyzed former Rutgers defensive tackle Eric LeGrand to a ceremonial one-day contract, a super classy move, even though Cleveland was willing to depart with multiple picks for him and the Redskins were offering $35 million guaranteed.