Terrell Suggs, reigning NFL Defensive Player of the Year and owner of the NFL’s most frightening alien mouth, tore his ACL Achilles tendon playing basketball, also known as pulling a Ryan Clady. Peter King says keep away from the courts, kids. Name five things more deathtrappy. You can’t.

Most are saying that the injury spells the end of the 2012 season for Suggs, though T-Sizzle says he’s gonna dab some bleach on it and try to get back on the field by October, which is a pretty optimistic forecast given the average rate of recovery is 11 months, but whatever helps him in his road back, I guess.

Unless the Ravens decide to plumb the free agency depth for a discarded pass rusher like Matt Roth, it probably means increased playing time for Bawlmer’s top draft pick, second-rounder Courtney Upshaw. Given that the Ravens already lost linebacker Jarret Johnson to free agency and defensive coordinator Chuck Pagano to the Colts, it might be a tough early transition for the front seven in Baltimore. In other words, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Flacco’s just gonna have to be extra elite.

Now we have time for the Suggs/Hines buddy comedy

No word yet on whether John Harbaugh has attributed the injury to other team’s felonious cheating schemes, not that he would name names anyway.