[Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup" ringtone]

Tony Romo: You got Romo!

Oh yeah, I can talk. At the hospital, bro. Yeah, one of those days. Just chillin’ in the delivery room while Candice does her thing. Good job, babe.

[Pats her on the shoulder]

I don’t know. These things don’t operate under a set schedule. Really annoying, bro.

Naw, bro, I can’t go golfing right now. Give me like…[looks at a scowling Candice]…two hours?

[Hangs up]

Hey, Candice, babe. I know this is tough on you, but if we could move things along, I make be able to make tee. I only ask ’cause this is an important skins match.

Nurse: Oh, we’ve got crowning. We’re almost there, Candice. C’mon, girl. Push, push!

Tony Romo: Uh… c’mon… you got this…ummm, goooooo!

Nurse: Dad, would you like to come say hello?”

Tony Romo: Hold up.

[Picks up cell]

You got Romo!

Hawkins Romo: What’s good, dadbro?

Tony Romo: Who is this?

Hawkins Romo: It’s your son, Hawkins. THE HAWK!

Tony Romo: You have a phone?

Hawkins: ‘Course. I had mom sign up for the two-year plan while I was only second trimester. Told her it was that or I arrive late. Haha, she caved.

Tony: Nice.

Hawkins: You know it.

Tony: So you cool with the Hawkins name? I know it’s a little on the preppy side but Candice got one of those baby naming books, and I figure, you gotta defer to the mom on this one. Only fair.

Hawkins: We’re straight so long as we only use THE HAWK in conversation. Hawkins is fine for when I need to get serious and handle my professional hustle, but in the street, ALL HAWK, BRO.

Tony: You truly are my son.

Hawkins: Love ya, dadbro. Totally adding your number to my contacts list.

Tony: Oh yeah, lemme do that, too.

[Hangs up]

All right, Candice. Nice work, babe. You did it. Atta girl. Now I gotta split. You know how to reach me on the course, which is to say, don’t.