There have been other Cowboys cheerleader cakes in the past; observe this “Just The Cans” version from last year, but certainly none have been as creepy as this one spotted by Sweater Punch. Nothing more wholesome than slicing up a headless woman from the thighs up, crotch included. No thanks, I’m too full for a boob piece. You’ll have to cut me off a piece of the midriff.

- Brian Dawkins announced on Twitter that he’s retiring. But not before he gets the ceremonial one-day contract from the Eagles. Let the tedious Hall of Fame debates begin. I’ll get us going in true PK fashion: MAYBE!

- Speaking of retirement, turns out it’s pretty boring, so says former Jets defensive end Trevor Pryce, who is apparently spending his days dolefully kicking a soccer ball against his garage door until someone asks if he wants to play. If anyone needs a second for some pickup garage ball, Trevor Pryce is waiting.

- It was reported late last week that Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are the new announcing team for the Madden video game series. In other words, been nice knowing you, Madden games. I can put up with a lot of bugs, AI issues and losing to 12-year-olds in online ranked games, but I’ll be damned if I’m listening to 25 “WELL, JEEM” utterances in a game with five-minute quarters. Anyway, in case you’re still in the market, Pasta Padre has a schedule of when EA plans to drop info about this year’s edition.

- The speed limit on Manning Way in Oxford, Mississippi has been switched from 18 to 10 mph, presumably to honor Elisha for being number one bestest big boy in the family. A better way to do that would be adding a Power Wheels lane.