With the NFL draft starting in less than a week this will be our final KSK Mock Draft of the offseason. So many memories, you guys. Remember the Simpsons quotes? It resulted in over 600 comments and 5 pluses on Google + which is even more impressive because that represents 80% of all people using Google +.
The good news for you draftniks is that this doesn’t mark the end of your fun. Starting next week we start the commenter drafts. If you have an idea for a draft topic that we haven’t covered, feel free to send it in for consideration. And now, for our last effort. Continue after the jump to watch me screw up yet another draft.
This week we are selecting career ending injuries that we would undo. You can pick any athlete in any sports as long as they were forced to cut short their career short as the result of injury or death. Ape the editor will lead things off.
1. Christmas Ape – Bo Jackson
Stealing flub’s pick. Don’t like helping the Raiders but worth it to restore arguably the biggest star of his day in two sports.
2. Unsilent Majority – Yao Ming
It takes me about 60 seconds to realize that I’m an idiot, and another few minutes to determine that I a total fucking dumbass.
3. Flubby – Len Bias
4. Big Daddy Drew – Pat Tillman
Because he was totally gonna come back to the NFL.
5. Captain Caveman – Sean Taylor
First round recap: I made up the rules and forgot them within 30 seconds. Sean Taylor is my favorite athlete, and the thought of drafting him never even crossed my mind until sometime after Flubby picked Len Bias (another guy I should have obviously taken over Yao). So yes, I hate myself a little bit more than I did yesterday.
Bo was a no-brainer for Ape at the top of the draft, if only so we could have known how good he would have been in a real video game. The biggest tragedy was him never appearing in the great Madden games. Drew picked Pat Tillman, which makes perfect sense unless you hate America. Ufford went right ahead and scooped up the Meast, so at least he’s coming back in our stupid fictional world.
6. Captain Caveman – Kevin Everett
Sorry, Mike Utley. I like the Bills better than the Colts.
7. Big Daddy Drew – Korey Stringer
8. Flubby – Napoleon McCallum
Take it away, Wiki…
On September 5, 1994, during a Monday Night Football contest and the Raiders’ opening game of the season at the San Francisco 49ers, McCallum’s career ended prematurely when 49ers linebacker Ken Norton Jr. twisted him to the ground. McCallum’s cleat stuck in the ground, forcing his knee into a horrible dislocation. Norton lay pinned underneath a motionless McCallum for a couple of minutes while athletic trainers attended to McCallum.
McCallum suffered a complete hyperextension of his left knee, almost to a right angle. He suffered a ruptured artery in his left knee, and tore three ligaments, tore the calf and hamstring from the bone, and suffered nerve damage in the knee. McCallum was told that if the surgery did not go as planned, there was a chance his left leg would have been amputated.
/rubs knee for five minutes to make sure it is still intact
9. Unsilent Majority – Drazen Petrovic
10. Christmas Ape – Greg Oden
Second round recap: Two more untimely deaths, plus a life-threatening spinal injury, a horrific knee explosion, and old man Oden’s osteoporosis. CC’s pick makes sense because it would undo a horrific injury, even if Everett never would have become a household name. Drew uses the opportunity to resuscitate Stringer, who was becoming a stalwart on Minnesota’s offensive line. Of course if he hadn’t passed away some NFL teams might still be running two-a-days in dark jerseys without the benefit of shade or regular water breaks. How else could they have known?! Flubby missed out on Bo, but did land another Raider running back, one who was before my time. And yeah, that’s one hell of a fucked up knee. I attempt to make up for my disastrous first round by taking another one of my all-time favorite athletes who was taken far too soon. Ape wraps things up with the guy who used to sit on the end of Portland’s bench feeding the occasional pigeon.
I want more like this!
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