That sound you hear is thousands upon thousands of mock drafts, painstakingly updated and agonized over for months by draftniks (I believe an old Soviet term for “asshole sportswriter”), becoming instantly useless now that the draft has arrived. The only thing saving any of them from being disregarded is the possibility of being fodder to mock a prominent blowhard for a botched forecast of scouting report.
A fine example is Mel Kiper comparing JaMarcus Russell to John Elway immediately after being taken no. 1 in ’07:
Tee hee. It’s funny because Elway still does purple drank to this day.
We won’t have the benefit of hindsight to laugh at the pundits this evening, so we’ll just have to settle for brainfarts not borne out by future failure. As well as:
– RGIII’s socks. Wacky, but also SELFISH.
– The Redskins trading the second pick plus four more firsts to reacquire Brandon Lloyd.
– The Vikings, appearing to be on the verge of a trade that still allows them to get Kalil and get extra picks, let the deadline expire and don’t get their first selection in until Friday.
– The Saints ambush and demand their confiscated pick be Frank Gore’s head.
– TANNEHILL WATCH: WHO WILL GET THE OLD MAID?
– Callous cheap shots about Maurice Claiborne’s intelligence.
– Janoris Jenkins naming his next three kids for the GM who takes him.
– Ufford, Zerkle and I sat in on a Q&A with Goodell at around 3 p.m. and he looked like he’d just been dethawed after being dead for a month. If he looks anything remotely presentable by the time the draft starts, he has better handlers than most politicians.
– O HAI black Staubach and white RGIII. The draft somehow brings rivals together and executes racial reversal.
NFL Network is the recommending viewing accompaniment, but we won’t disdain too much if you turn to ESPN for some good ol’ fashioned hate-watching. Someone has to keep an eye on Berman for pick-tipping so Rog can bleed the piggie out for violating the suspense edict. Anyway, let’s enjoy this; other than the spelling bee, it’s the last KSK live blog until September.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.