ESPN’s news magazine E:60 is doing a profile on Vernon Davis and Aldon Smith. Why? I don’t know, it’s E:60, who gives a sh*t? To spice up the segment, ESPN thought of the incredibly contrived tactic of making Vernon do a self-portrait. The potential for shmaltz and dimestore psychology is through the roof.

But what will the result be? Would Vernon present himself crying on the sideline after catching the winning touchdown in the divisional round against the Saints? Would ESPN producers strong-arm him into showing the anguish of knowing that Gregg Williams wanted to use his disembodied head as a bedpan? Perhaps some poignant but boring stuff about his upbringing? Or would Vernon give into his base impulses and show himself battling against alien aircraft in a fighter jet with TERPZ written on the side while getting a lap dance and recording his first album.

Turns out, surprisingly, that it’s none of those. Observe:

Well done, Vernon. Technically proficient, if a little derivative. Undoubtedly, there’s an interesting commentary on race being presented here. You’d be surprised how many NFL stars view themselves as dead white men. It’s a problem.