It’s a scandal that’s unfortunately nowhere nearly as gruesome or violent as its moniker suggests, but it does feature a lot of stupidity by law enforcement, so that’s nice. Anyway, New Jersey state police are investigating claims that two patrol cars gave a high-speed escort to a small armada of luxury cars driving on the Garden State Parkway toward Atlantic City last month.

Among those who got the escort is reportedly Brandon Jacobs, who had signed with the 49ers two days prior to the alleged incident. This, of course, raises the question of why any officer would go out of his way to help out a dickhead like Jacobs, but then Ben Roethlisberger had Pennsylvania state troopers at his side when he went trawling for drunk college girls in Georgia, so it’s possible that there’s just a segment of the cop population that enjoys assisting the worst athletes in doing stupid things.

In the complaints, obtained by The Star-Ledger, witnesses said that in the early afternoon March 30, they saw two State Police patrol cars with their emergency lights flashing driving in front of and behind the southbound caravan, which included dozens of Porsches, Lamborghinis, Ferraris and other vehicles, all with their license plates covered with tape.

Commendations all around, officers. “Well, that solves everything. With that tape on there, no way anyone notices the 30 Lambos weaving through traffic at 110 mph. Just in case, let’s all keep our sirens going. What’s our feeling on calling the media first, yea or nay?”