I just woke up.

Name: Riley Reiff

Age: 23

Position: Offensive tackle

Height: 6’6″

Weight: 313 lbs

School: Iowa

Major: Interdepartmental studies. Corn and frottage to be exact.

Combine revelations: Suffers from t-rex arms, and isn’t that strong.

Twitter: Arms can’t reach the keyboard.

Potential Berman nicknames: Ramblin’

Nicest comparison: Joe Staley

Meanest comparison: Some offensive lineman you’ve never heard of.

Strengths: Athleticism

About that: Reiff was all state (South Dakota is a state) on both sides of the ball (tight end and defensive end) in high school. He also won multiple state titles in wrestling, competed on the track team, and lettered in golf. Ha. Golf. What a pussy.

/lettered in golf and nothing else because he is a pussy

Weaknesses: Lacks get away from the cops speed.

About that: He was busted for public intoxication as a freshman after stripping off most of his clothing and leading 8 police officers on a 20-minute foot chase through a Pita Pit in Iowa City.

Interesting tidbit: 20-MINUTE HALF-NAKED FOOT CHASE

Who wants him: Arizona

Who will take him: Buffalo

What the scouts are saying:

Immediate impact: Moves from left tackle to right.

Down the road: Fails to meet expectations because they are stored in the way back of the cabinet above the stove.

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