“Sissy.” -some scout

Name: Kelechi Osemele

Age: 22

Position: Offensive tackle

Height: 6’6″

Weight: 333 lbs

School: Iowa State

Major: Liberal Studies. Bra burning, mostly.

Ridiculous shit a scout actually said about him:

“I just don’t know if football is that important to him. He was raised by women, which bothers me. I mean, how tough can he be? It’s not his fault, but it’s still reality.”

The way I hear it, he was raised by a pack of feral lesbians, he was.

Other person whose fault it wasn’t: Norman Bates

Twitter: @KOsevendeuce

What his tweets tell us: God is a bit of a micromanager.

Most coincidental comparison: Jeff Otah, who has barely played in the league, but is also of Nigerian heritage.

Meanest comparison: Jeff Otah’s sister.

Strengths: Multi-tasking, pain tolerance, pelvic arch width.

Weaknesses: Emotional, irrational, prone to menstruation. Also, scouts point out that he disappears for stretches.

About that: Shouldn’t that last one be a positive for an offensive lineman?

Who wants him: Atlanta

Who will take him: Kansas City (round 2)

What the scouts are saying:

Immediate impact: Plugs in to a veteran line at guard or right tackle.

Down the road: Opens a small bakery.

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