Name: Kelechi Osemele
Position: Offensive tackle
Weight: 333 lbs
School: Iowa State
Major: Liberal Studies. Bra burning, mostly.
Ridiculous shit a scout actually said about him:
“I just don’t know if football is that important to him. He was raised by women, which bothers me. I mean, how tough can he be? It’s not his fault, but it’s still reality.”
The way I hear it, he was raised by a pack of feral lesbians, he was.
Other person whose fault it wasn’t: Norman Bates
What his tweets tell us: God is a bit of a micromanager.
Most coincidental comparison: Jeff Otah, who has barely played in the league, but is also of Nigerian heritage.
Meanest comparison: Jeff Otah’s sister.
Strengths: Multi-tasking, pain tolerance, pelvic arch width.
Weaknesses: Emotional, irrational, prone to menstruation. Also, scouts point out that he disappears for stretches.
About that: Shouldn’t that last one be a positive for an offensive lineman?
Who wants him: Atlanta
Who will take him: Kansas City (round 2)
What the scouts are saying:
Immediate impact: Plugs in to a veteran line at guard or right tackle.
Down the road: Opens a small bakery.
I want more like this!
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