The Lions have bestowed the biggest contract extension in NFL history on Calvin Johnson to the tune of seven years worth $132 million with roughly $60 million in supposedly-guaranteed-but-maybe-not money. He’s probably worth it on account of being awesome. You could reasonably argue that he should have gotten even more given that he’s worth the equivalent of roughly eight Pierre Garcons.

Megatron’s new extension surpasses the eight-year, $128.5 million deal that the Cardinals gave to Larry Fitzgerald last summer. It also assures that young Robofan will continue to patrol Metro South for the better part of the next decade.

– Heath Evans, NFL Network talking head and at one point a 2007 Patriots human victory cigar, was yesterday either the victim of a Twitter hack or a mistress getting ahold of his account. Either way, there were some pointed questions in the Evans household.

– Peyton Manning’s marketing agency sent a cease-and-desist to the Arizona mattress company that put up the billboard asking Pey-Pey to sleep on one of their many cut-rate Tempur-Pedics. I guess we can rule out the desert, then. If there’s one group you don’t wanna rile up, it’s the local mattress retailer community.

IMPORTANT INTERNET THING: There is a Bud Adams plane tracker. Never again will you wake up in a cold sweat at 3:30 a.m. wondering where in the world the Titans owner’s private jet has just deplaned. It’s always great when the best possible application you can have for information is wild speculation.

– The Bengals’ Frostee Rucker is opening a frozen yogurt franchise, for no better reason than his name demands it of him.

– Kyle Orton signed with the Cowboys because Neckbeard was either tired of starting games and stuff or he genuinely liked the prospect of having Wolfman Rob as a drinking buddy/ATV-riding pardner/third for hooker stunts.

– The Brothers Pouncey will later this month preside over the battle of Hennessy and Ciroc. I’m usually inclined to be opposed to anything pushed by Diddy, so I’m in Henny’s corner, but could be convinced to go wherever the gigantic ass tells me.

Tomahawk Nation via EDSBS