“Going shopping for grills. This is not my first rodeo.”

And so begins a five-minute video of Marshawn Lynch shopping for a new grill, which is highly BEEF MOE behavior. On this trip, Marshawn is on the hunt for a grill that has the Seahawks team name emblazoned across it. Sounds like that long-term deal he just signed has Marshawn thinking commitment. You’re not a real BEEF MOE team until Marshawn has a grill dedicated to you.

Being an identified grill connoisseur, Marshawn is gonna get what he’s looking for. He even seeks to allay our concerns about the dangers of oral (or-grill?) hygiene, by explaining, “Naw, man, food don’t get caught in no grill. They just teeth, that’s all. They just shiny teeth. Mouthwash and brush your teeth, bruh, you be straight.”

In further things that frighten old white sportswriters, DeSean Jackson is rapping:

To the Instant Skip Bayless Reaction Generator:

“DeSean Jackson is a THUG who needs to focus on football instead of his rap career!”

“He’s wearing Dodgers stuff!? Not only is he disloyal to Philadelphia, he’s disloyal to football!”

“‘On My Dip’? Is he chewing tobacco? After just receiving the franchise tag? What an ingrate! Take care of yourself!”

“Forgot bounties. DeSean is in #FiggaGang. That’s a for-real gang, with a hashtag and everything. No one’s gonna care a whit about Gregg Williams when DeSean and his gang cronies start icing rival Twitter users.”