Sports Illustrated’s Don Banks (DONNIE BRASCO!) yesterday dropped the nuggetbomb that Peyton Manning had a previously undisclosed fourth surgical procedure on his NeckAIDs during the lockout last year, and that the always cryptic, always whispering “league sources” believe that Peyton has developed bones spurs in his neck that will require additional surgery at some point in the future. At KSK, we know for every hidden secret that is revealed, especially when it comes to the cagey House of Manning, there are potentially dozens more waiting to be discovered. We’ll save you and SI some time and list them here:
Snaggletooth
Secret third testicle
Shy bladder
Wooden leg with kickstand
Actual battleship lodged in forehead
Can’t taste sour
Horn that is ugly even for a Manning
Spina trifida
Those parasites that made Fry smart in Futurama.
Prostate the size of a honeydew
Papaphobia (fear of the Pope)
Non-partum depression
Uncontrollable flow of breast milk
Faulty circuitry
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Afro with a chinstrap
Play-Dough Teeth
Mixing board on back
Male-pattern baldness.
Rickets.
SuperAIDS
WonderAIDS
BatAIDS
Feline Leukemia
Hereditary scurvy.
cuticle inflammation
He had some excess “GRIT” removed. Also, they detected high serum levels of “Intangibles”, but that was easily treatable with some donated plasma from Albert Haynesworth.
Agraphobia
Restless leg syndrome
Paralysis.
Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Weeping Angel Syndrome
He has been turning into a statue
He’s developed a fear of commitment
Massive benign brain tumor.
Acne.
Who wins in a battle between Battleship Manning vs. Bearforce One?
BibleTrivia Tebow
Harkonnen heart plug installed.
Anal scabies
Jealous bones.
Nerves that are too short.
/Pilkington’d
Jug foot
Taco lung
Onanism
The heartbreak of psoriasis
Agoraphobic claustrophobia
The dreaded gum disease gingivitis
that’s your ballgame right there folks.
I actually had gingivitis. I thought it was hilarious because I could walk around saying “THE GUM DISEASE GINGINVITIS!”
Jaws: “There has never been an instance of THE GUM DISEASE GINIGIVITIS at THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGE QUARTERBACK POSITION in THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.”
Nine out of every ten dentists cannot make proper blitz adjustments.
the always cryptic, always whispering “league sources”
Emilio Estevez would like you to add “dashingly handsome” to that description.
For a friend.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Also Mort is reporting that some skinny guy came up behind him and actually plunged a scythe halfway through his midsection.
So, you know, that musta sucked.
Wouldn’t a chiropractor help him with his alignment? Maybe he should go see one.
He’s dead, Jim.
It couldn’t be worse than that.
Cleft Anus
A case of the weepies, common symptoms include uncontrollable Manningface’ing
Howard Muddbutt
Giganticism. He is starting to look a little like Ken Griffey Jr.: [images3.wikia.nocookie.net]
Whittler’s Thumb
Also: Whittler’s knee.
Whittler’s NeckAIDS?
I think we all know that means Whittler’s penis.
Penis Enlargement Pump addiction.
seeping headwound syndrome
The worst ailment for any quarterback. LED – Lack of Eye Discipline.
/Jaws’d
I saw the picture and immediately thought “Peyton’s not Jewish.” Clearly, I’m self-hating.
Also, Dr. Minaj can clear that Papaphobia right up.
Funny Walk (as in Monthy Python ‘Ministry OF Funny Walks’)
Then he leaves his family for Nicki Minaj and joins her team of backup dancers (those in monk robes).
Silly Walk, that it.
Swampassbergers.
These suggestions sound like more things from the fetish tournament.
Soon to commit Fratricide.
Key and Peele hit on a few of them here.
[www.youtube.com]
Achy Breaky Heart
Persistent Penelope Pit-stank.
Red Foxx balls.
Restless in the huddle Syndrome.
No Vagina Dentata? KSKommenters, I thought I could count on you.
Shingles and rickets.
Sonic diarrhea
In all fairness, Sonic tends to have that effect on everyone.
Tourettes
Intestinal Jihad
Muddy Helmet Syndrome.
StockholmSteak ‘n Shake SyndromeJust a touch of downs
Schmedrick’s Disease
/Full House’d
Cancer of the Hyupaglotimus (non-life threatening).
Has anyone verified this with Rob Lowe?
+1
Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer
Trucker’s ass
Hysterical Pregnancy
Republicanism
Papaphobia – Fear of Bob Papa?
Also, Terminal Wedgie.
He has anal warts. Don’t know how he got’em, can’t get rid of him.
Mort is reporting that he got them from Dungy (suction cup affect).
Taint’d love muscle
Disturbingly sensitive third nipple
[www.2oceansvibe.com]
Exponential Sclerosis
Macaroni Toe
Adult Explosions