This Week In F–k You: Troy Aikman
02.21.12
It’s the offseason. There’s no football on, and there won’t be for a long, long time. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, hating things is what we do best. Which is why we have the ongoing series This Week In F–K You. This week: Troy Aikman.
Over the past few years, a number of professional BIG PICTURE writers whose hustle it is to try to predict seismic shifts in cultural thinking (Malcolm Gladwell of course foremost among them, but other, less obviously gimmicky writers as well) have laid out the argument that the issue of football’s inability to deal with concussions will eventually marginalize or possibly even destroy the reigning king of American sports and things that are great.
Coddammit.
I’m not saying these people are necessarily wrong. I’m saying that I hate them because they are telling me things that I don’t wish to hear. QUIT ADDING TO MY WORRIES, JERKS! JUST LET US GET PAST THIS YEAR’S APOCALYPSE FIRST, ALL RIGHT!? Anyway, the scenarios put forth by these writers are certainly plausible (if not in some cases probable, if changes aren’t made). That said, the timeline of events occurs far off enough that if they’re wrong, no one will remember or care 20 years from now that someone wrote that football is doomed.
Some players, current and former, echo these concerns. That’s fair; they’re the ones suffering the concussions and not getting enough support from the league, after all. In almost all cases, I have no issue with this. Until it’s fucking Troy Aikman.
Aikman does not have a son, but said, “if I did, I wouldn’t tell him he couldn’t play football. If he wanted to, I would say ‘OK, great.’ But I don’t know if I would be encouraging him to play. Whereas, with the other sports, you want your kids to be active and doing those types of things.”
“Gosh, I don’t know. Concussions are horrible, unless he really wants to have one, in which case, okay, great!”
Look, if Troy Aikman had an issue with his non-existent son playing football because of concussions, I wouldn’t normally hold it against the guy. He had 10 concussions in his playing career. I’m surprised his brain functions well enough to agree with everything Joe Buck says in the booth.
But Aikman refuses to talk about the issue on the air at FOX, because of a desire not to be the “poster boy” of the issue or somesuch other bullshit. Or maybe because it would cause a great furrowing of brows with the higher-ups.
Aikman said he is not interested in using his standing and position to comment on the concussion issue.
“I have had a few people question why I haven’t gotten in that discussion during broadcasts,” Aikman said. “The reason I have not is two-fold. I don’t want to be the poster boy for head injury. I shouldn’t be the poster boy for head injury. I have really tried to distance myself from that. I’m 44 years old. I’m completely healthy. I have an active lifestyle. I don’t want to be looked at as one who is experiencing some of these things that other players talk about. Because I’m not. I have been asked to go talk to Congress. I declined. I have not done interviews on it. That’s number one.
“Number two, my experience with them is they are all different,” Aikman said. “And so then to try to talk about my experience and how it relates to someone who is dealing with it in today’s game, Aaron Rodgers for instance, I don’t think I’m really on top of what that guy is feeling. I’ve always tried to stay away from speculating on any type of injury anyway. You say, wow, that looks like he might have injured his knee there. But I leave it at that. I don’t go into ‘I think that’s an ACL.’ I tend to stay away from it. It’s a serious deal and I don’t answer the questions about it lightly or minimize how significant it is. That’s how I have approached it.”
So poster boy of Concussed Nation equals bad, but it’s somehow okay for Aikman to join a panel discussing the prospect of professional football in L.A. and then open up on his worries about concussions vis-a-vis the future of the sport? And when he does decide to be critical, he couches concussions as only serious enough to deter a young person from football unless he really wants to do play. I guess I should be happy that a former player isn’t steadfast in his opposition to the game, instead I’m just annoyed that Aikman is a cockweasel.
It probably didn’t help that Aikman went on to attribute the lack of a team in L.A. to there being a vague sense of oversaturation of professional football that I’ve never previously heard of.
“At one time, watching football was an event,” Aikman said. “Monday Night Football was a big event. Now you get football Sunday, you get it Monday, you get it Thursday and, late in the year, you get it on Saturday.
“People in Los Angeles realized, ‘You know what, life’s OK without the NFL.’ If I’m an owner, I don’t want any fan thinking that.”
WHEN THE FUCK DIDN’T ANY REGULAR SEASON FOOTBALL GAME, REGARDLESS OF CONSEQUENCE, NOT BE A NATIONAL EVENT!? AMERICANS WATCH NFL GAME IN STAGGERING NUMBERS! FUCKING DROVES! Millions of people even watch the Pro Bowl, despite the Pro Bowl being the worst. Don’t confuse Angelenos being above-it-all assholes with a waning interest in the sport. If anything, you should never squander a chance to talk shit about them.


The last time I looked at someone the way JoeBuck is looking at Troy I asked her to marry me.
You’re just mad about Super Bowl XXX.
If that were true, we would be reading “Fuck You Neil O’Donnell”.
Neal O’Donnell is too concussed to defend himself.
“Don’t confuse Angelenos being above-it-all assholes with a waning interest in the sport.”
A thousand times yes. Plus, you should check out the ratings in LA for the NFL. Everyone here is just smart enough to figure out that you can A) get Directv Sunday Ticket, B) go to a bar with fellow fans of your favorite team, or C) watch whatever game happens to be on with friends and family. ALL of those options are cheaper and more fun than actually attending an NFL game and having your tax money pay for rich assholes to attend.
/ above-it-all asshole Angeleno.
But don’t you remember how pleasant it was having all those Raiders fans around?
Yeah, I wanna go to the shittiest part of LA to watch a game from nosebleed seats that I can’t really afford.
Seconded. People in Los Angeles aren’t from Los Angeles and can watch every game in about 1 million different places. It is more enjoyable for me to watch Cutler get injured from 8 different angles in HD than to fly to Chicago and go to Soldier Field where I have to strain my neck to look at the one crappy monitor in the north endzone and wonder why the fuck he isn’t playing in the second half of the NFC Championship game.
Well, I suppose I should’ve read your comment before posting my own reply to porkythefirst up there. To reiterate: I’d love to see the TV ratings for NFL games in LA. Probably not too shabby.
They miss the threats of blackouts and maybe aikman does too.
I would fly in and spend the weekend in Marina Del Ray to watch a game on TV, it would be a sacrifice, but I am a true fan.
The problem is I don’t think Nielsen covers Sunday Ticket as it is a Pay thing. The ratings are probably unknown. Comparative numbers for the Fox and CBS games are misleading because, as Cuntler said, everyone here is from somewhere else, and the ratings get diluted.
Moose is right. Marina Del Rey, or any beach-side bar really, is a hell of a place to watch a game!
I stay there for a few projects: there is a two story bar that over looks the beach and the women there are…. attractive.
You don’t need a reason to tell Troy Aikman to go fuck himself other than “He’s Troy Aikman.”
No, Joe Buck has that “lol are you shittin’ me?” look on his face.
That or the “I can’t believe you think that smelly fart was quiet.”
I dunno. It looks like he’s picturing Troy’s lips around his cock.
Also, “Coddammit”??
What do my fish & chips have to do with this?
You still suck, Aikman.
“People in Los Angeles realized, ‘You know what, life’s OK without the NFL.’ If I’m an owner, I don’t want any fan thinking that.”
+++
I hate you Troy Aikman. Fans didn’t give up on the NFL, but when it leaves there aren’t going to be mass suicides either. (Checks Google) No, not even in Cleveland.
If anything, the Browns leaving at this point would actually lower Cleveland’s suicide rate. Factory of sadness indeed.
I’d love to see the TV ratings for all NFL games in LA over the past 5 years. Something tells me the league’s not hurting for viewers in that city.
Aikman’s insane. Those concussions have affected him more than originally thought. Or it’s years in the booth with Joe Buck that have broken him at last.
He’s not very bright is he?
It definitely seems like he may have been hit in the head 1 or 2 times too many.
I couldn’t make it past the banner image without reflexively punching my monitor. Can someone transcribe the article for me?
In order to have a son, wouldn’t Aikman need to have sex with, um, a woman?
You make an excellent point. He and buck would need to stop eye-sexing each other for a few mintutes for him to actually do this.
Until the NFL punishes all helmet-to-helmet hits–not just ones on quarterbacks and “defenseless receivers”–I refuse to believe that they’re at all concerned about concussions. I love the violence of the sport as much as the next guy, but I hate seeing two dudes go into a collision with their heads down.
/dick joke
Agreed; that is one of the many reasons I don’t like gay porn.
Well played, sir.
Buck: Now lean in a bit more and kiss me, you big studly brain dead man you.
Troy aikman out with a head.
I kinda see his point, and we don’t know what his Fox bosses are telling him to say either. That being said; FUCK AIKMAN!
I like all the speed holes this article has in it. Makes it read faster.
That look on Joe Buck’s face says one thing…
Meeehhhhh, they could just rename the Raiders. Call them the L.A. Raiders, keep them in Oakland. Both the Giants and the Jets play in New Jersey. Yes, New Jersey is an actual State in the USA with it’s Governor, millions of people and a huge tax base. They still call the Those 2 teams the New York whatevers and no one gives a shit. Because the majority of fans watch on TV. In fact an overwhelming majority watch on TV. My point is … Um I don’t know fuck Aikman.
WHEN THE FUCK DIDN’T ANY REGULAR SEASON FOOTBALL GAME, REGARDLESS OF CONSEQUENCE, NOT BE A NATIONAL EVENT!?
When the Jaguars are featured, of course.
That is not even a local event.
Had his brain not ricocheted repeatedly around the inside of his dome, BoyTroy would know that there are tons o’ NFL fans in L.A., all of whom already have a team to root for and therefore no interest in ponying up extreme amounts of jack to obtain the Jagoffs or the Chargettes.
But I still hate Aikman less than that smarmy, self-satisfied stater of the obvious Phil Simms, the tea swilling douchebag.
Ape, I’ve seen Troy Aikman’s asshole and I really don’t think you want to fuck…
Joe Buck.