Julian Edelman (aka Jewkah, aka The Bear Jew, aka White Troy Brown) on the surface might seem like another California-bred golden boy like Tom Brady who can never live up to exacting Boston standards of acceptable townieness. But the more we see of him, we realize that may not be the case. Last night, Edelman rode the Zamboni at the Bruins-Senators game and showed up looking straight out of Southie. Actually, I hear Southie is getting fairly gentrified, so maybe some other less gussied up white trash haven around Bahhstan.

We already know Edelman is fond of groping random women in bars, which is a highly Tawmmy thing to do. If he’s spotted on the Patriots sideline dipping and doing preacher curls, we’ll know the transformation is complete.

“YO-AH TAWP SEED IS NAWT IMPRESSIVE! THE NEW YARK HAWKEY GIANTS GOBBLE CAWK! LUNDQVIST DOES NAWT HAVE INTERESTING LIBERTARIAN OPINIONS LIKE TIM TAWMMAS! FACKIN’ BEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS AWLLLL DAY!”

[Thanks to Masshole expat Brevet Captain/Slothrop for the tip]