If there’s an overriding theme to this edition of Kill! Kill! Kill!, it’s the virtue of sticking with your own kind. But that might be loosely interpreted as racial commentary, so we’ll have to stick with sweet animal slaughter as the idea we’re driving at.
Up top, a bird beards the lions in their den (btw, an idiom I’ve never fully understood) to less than desirable results. The fact that it’s the lionness who makes the kill robs me of an opportunity to make a cheap Ndamukong Suh joke. We’ll just have to imagine it as Jim Schwartz’s overly violent home life.
Below, we see a gator straying too far into Hippo ‘Hood. While you could think of that as any Florida player getting mauled, I like the image of Tebow paying the ultimate price for trying to cut off a line of defensive lineman at the buffet. Get ‘em, Wilfork.
[Oopity! A commenter points out that's a crocodile. Well there goes that lazy joke. You'd think my Crocodile Mile expertise would have enabled me to make that distinction, but just shows to go ya that a Slip 'n' Slide rip-off isn't the tool for learning we it thought it might be.]

[video via The Daily What; image from epic4chan]


“This term was originally a Latin proverb based on a Bible story (I Samuel 17:35) about the shepherd David, who pursued a lion that had stolen a lamb, caught it by its beard, and killed it.” -Answers.com
And hippos are goddamn terrifying. Peter Hathaway Capstick was a professional hunter in Africa, and in one of books he said something about how the two most dangerous animals in the world are a wounded leopard and a hippo in the water.
…and Ndamukong Suh at a buffet.
SWISH! That was for you, Ape.
Yeah, I figured anything that awkwardly phrased has to be of Biblical origin.
That’s a crocodile.
.
A transfer student!
I shall refrain from making my SECOND Crocodile Dundee related komment of the day. (Lie!)
/looks a croc
“That’s not a toothy maw.”
/opens hippo mouth
“THAT’S a toothy maw.”
Remember Chocodiles? They were awesome.
Screw you people! I graduated With honors from Wikipedia University!.
‘Hij is dood’ – He is dead. Thankyou, Captain Obvious!
Hippo’s kill more people each year than sharks, if I’m not mistaken.
Eugh, damn Dutch grammar – Hippos
Hippos kill more people than crocs, mate.
Hippos don’t kill people, people…. wait, OK, hippos do kill people.
Didn’t mean to be the PK in the punchbowl…
I got to witness (in person) a miniaturized version of the lion video when my cat nabbed a bird that made the mistake of touching down in my garden this summer. It was a joy to watch.
My friend’s miniature schnauzer loved to eat hummingbirds. And then I found 5 dollars.
COOL
Trouble brewing…
I feel bad to have ruined your joke, so I might as well let the bio geek loose and educate.
Alligators are very unusual in their distribution, being native only to the southern US and the Yangtze Valley in China and consisting of only two extant species. The Chinese alligator is in extreme peril and will not likely survive outside captivity in our lifetime. Alligators are also much more recent and are only very distantly related to crocodiles having split from common ancestry about 250 million years ago.
Crocodiles are far more widespread and consist of over 13 species in the Crocodytus genus alone and distributed from Egypt to Australia to the southern US, which is the only place in the world that alligators and crocodiles coexist. Crocodiles are generally much more aggressive; that croc getting its head crushed by that hippo was most likely starving and took on the pod out of desperation and paid the price.
/shows self out
typo Crocodylus
Sill, since you are giving a free lesson, how were you able to tell that it was a croc in the picture and not a gator?
I’m gonna jump in here and say that it was probably the presence of hippos that gave it away. I don’t think there are any hippos living in places where gators also live. If you’re friends with (or accountant for) a Bond villain you can probably ask him to toss a gator into his hippo enclosure, but then he’d probably laugh menacingly and point out that you went to a gulf coast high school that had gators as a mascot, and that he’s known for a while that you’ve been stealing ruthenium alloy from his doomsday device reactor and reselling it on the black market, and then he’d have his henchmen throw YOU in, and so long, Balls of Steel.
Good call, Zack. I totally discounted the Bond villain factor.
I did not know that there are/were gators in China.
/poles the pirouge down the Yangtze
“Son of a gun, we’ll have good fun…”
True, but you can only find Chocodiles on the west coast since the early 1990′s.
The alligators in China contain lead and only eat repressed workers.
/it is suspected they are not allowed to use Google.
typo Crocodylus can’t use Google for obvious reasons.
Just kidding:
Yup, it’s the hippos. No gators where there are hippos.
But which ones live in the NYC sewers?
Hippos live in the Indianapolis sewers.
@Balls You can tell by the snout, also. Gators have a shorter, more rounded snout.
@Spanky Kinfolk come to see Lin Chow Kang by the dozen
Hungry, hungry hippo, AMIRITE?!?!?!
/shows self out
So I was disappointed that Blackmon didn’t kill that cancer-ridden kid.
Wait, wrong post.
Too late to save the croc, but…