The Steelers have hired famed shouting homeless person Todd Haley to be their next offensive coordinator. Because that’s a reasonable move from a team that forced out Bruce Arians because his play-calling was too pass-happy.

It’s a curious call as few can tell the dynamic of the relationship Haley will have with Ben Roethlisberger. Will Haley constantly berate The Ben on the sidelines or will the two be comfortable enough together to tool around the South Side for potential date rapes? Time will tell.

“Hey big guy, from what I’ve heard, you got in a bit of trouble for getting rough with the ladies. I know what that’s like. Most of ‘em like it that way anyhow. They say they don’t, but they do. It’s all a game. These chicks, man, they ain’t nothing but trouble. Fella can’t tell where the line is these days. This one time I was crushing beers, and this little thing asked if I she can get me another. I yanked her by her hair from behind the bar to the back seat of the Camaro. Later I find out she tried to press charges. Can you believe that?

You know what? I think we’re gonna along all right, you and me. WHAT? THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN LOOK ME IN THE EYE, FAGGOT. THE F*CK YOU THINK I AM?! YOU’RE BUMPED DOWN TO PRACTICE SQUAD, STAT. WE DON’T PLAY EYE FOOTSIE IN THE HOUSE OF HALEY!”