I’ve thought about it for nearly two weeks now, and I still can’t bring myself to root for either team. My wife is a Giants fan, which doesn’t really help me decide. As much as I want to avoid dealing with some weepy Super Bowl loser, I’m not convinced the alternative is any better. Either way, she’s probably going to cry.

A win for the Giants means they’ll have one more than the Redskins. A loss and Boston fans will be happy. There is no good choice here, no matter how I think about it. The only thing that makes me lean in one direction over the other is the idea of Eli having more rings than Peyton. But that’s hardly enough to make me happy about the outcome. This is why gambling is so important. All I have to do is commit to one team, and put enough money on the line to make a win satisfying.

On to the Super Bowl picks…

Point Spread: New York +3

Fuck it. I called them a .500 team (which was accurate for a while), and picked against them most of the year. I’m ready to come around on Elisha.

Over/Under: Under 54

The Giants AND the under? Somebody hates himself.

Super Bowl MVP: Hakeem Nicks 12/1

Quarterbacks win the award half the time, but 9/4 just isn’t good enough to get me to pick Eli. I’ll take a longer shot with a legitimate chance of having a huge game.

First team to 10 points: Giants EVEN

Both teams tend to finish strong, but it’s the Patriots who tend to go down early. This is certainly more interesting than betting on the coin flip at -105.

Opening Kickoff Result: No Touchback +155

While there is something to be said for adrenaline, neither of these kickers has a very high touchback rate.

Will Madonna wear an NFL jersey or shirt: No -400

This is the easiest money of the night. There is zero fucking chance that Madonna is going to rock a jersey, or anything else that looks like she bought it at Spencer’s Gifts.

Live shots of Peyton Manning during the game: Under 3.5 -110

Four seems excessive. Especially because NBC is probably under strict orders to keep the focus on the game rather than the Peyton/Irsay ordeal. NBC is the NFL’s bottom bitch.

Eli Manning interception total: Over .5 -200

Victor Cruz’s longest reception: Over 27.5 yards

Cruz led the league in receptions of over 25 yards, so he should be good for a long one against this secondary. Then he’ll do that fucking dance and your girlfriend will ask why you can’t dance like that and you’ll be forced to flick a bottle cap at her head.

Yards gained on Rob Gronkowski’s first catch: Over 9.5 -130

I feel like I should have one New England pick, and this is a good one. Gronk is fine, everyone. Bill Belichick ordered Gronk Sr. to go on the radio and call it a high ankle sprain. SMAHT LIKE A FAWX.

Head over to With Leather for more fun with Super Bowl prop bets.