
The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are more than happy to take part in. For the next two weeks, stars from all over the world will drop in to make their picks. Today, it’s hard-bitten crime novelist James Ellroy.
Eli.
The car idled.
He puzzled over the permutations of his name and which larger words the letters could fit into, neatly and with meaning:
E-L-I-T-E
B-E-L-I-E-V-E
C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y
E-L N-I-N-O
No dice: he dismissed the exercise as foolish and detrimental. He hated his indulgence. He hated that so many others had no problem doing the same.
Eli forced his mind toward Dick Contino, Italian crooner who purveyed the fatalism that was his own. In his mind, Contino croons the wah-wah ballad “Angel Act” achingly, full of baritone tremolos – quintessentially the pussy-whipped loser in lust with the noir goddess who’s out to trash his life.
E-L-I-M-I-N-A-T-E-D
No time: there’s the door.
Tom and Bill crashed out of Rainbow Gardens, three ladies in tow. Two slinky gamine types trailing Tom with high-pitched giggling. A sloppy mother figure barely able to prop herself on Bill. Her exposed breast cupped in his hand with the insouciance of a child being guided across a street. Eli eyed the party closely. It was a scene he had seen played out on a near nightly basis with as many permutations as there were with his name.
L-E-I-S-U-R-E
Tom and Bill, nut-cutting bigwigs with a penchant for pad prowling and and big boy narco scores. Kings of ’50s Los Angeles and livers of the dream. Ladies provided the filler around their tandem. In gestalt, there formed meaning.
Tom Brady: leading man looks with leading man talent. It worked for him and he worked it with playboy ease and bon vivant bravado. Tom possessed dark traits that the zeitgeist was happy to conceal. Eli half-expected flash bulbs popping around him even at this hour.
Bill Belichick: power broker who had little need to conceal anything. He did anyway. Bill was a Svengali to starlets but a compatriot to Tom. Bill fed Tom innocent woman and beaucoup drugs. Tom didn’t need Bill’s help to score either of those. He took them just the same. More important was that being with Bill meant he didn’t have to hide anything.
Eli wanted to brace them. He always did. It gave him no satisfaction that he finally made pissant charges stick on Tom and Bill years back. Those in the department predisposed to leeriness of Eli’s abilities laughed it off as dumb luck at best and a waste of time at worst. They were probably right. It was only a minor setback to the duo anyway. Here they are in this shit-ass place yukking it up and fucking around like nothing ever happened.
Tom spotted him. It didn’t matter. This wasn’t a mission to surveil. Tom shot him the mega-watt grin. Eli reciprocated for the fuck of it. Here’s lookin’ at ya. Years of being resented and mocked for his glory boy family pedigree by coworkers and quarry alike made Eli keenly aware of his lack of intimidation. He rolled with it.
Eli wanted to know if he was getting to them. He wasn’t.
Good. They suspected nothing. They rode off.
Something else tweaked him: AMBUSH. Eli yanked from the car. They slammed him. He flailed. He got clotheslined, he got rabbit-punched, he got tape slapped on his mouth. He was full-fledged fucked.
His last thoughts were of mom. She would have counseled against being so bold.
Three shots. Eli’s stare lingered on the pavement. Still here. He made himself roll over. It registered immediately: His swinging dick spic informer Cruz had tailed him. Bailed him out. He must have expected he would have had to. Cruz looked pissed.
“Get up.”
The tape stifled Eli’s annoyed sigh.
“Get up.”
He did. Olivia would be waiting later with soup.


Another good rule along with no kids is no pants, even uncle Ted.
wrong thread, idiot.
Slow
[takes a daytrip to TJ for the donkey show then dumps a body on a golf course]
fucking Clap.
That was some balls deep perfection. And bonus letters of commendation for going with L.A. trilogy Ellroy and not that WHITE JAZZ noise. Bravo sir. Bravo.
- B
Fuckpad, PA.
Who will Win The Super Bowl and Why ? Go to http://www.askussports.com Leave your Comments @ Football Category. Pick top 3 NCAA teams, What MLB Free Agent Signing will make the biggest impact ? Favorite MLS team & Player. See Baseball, Football, Basketball, Soccer
The spambot advertising the whores is much more entertaining.
The bar, E-L-I-V-A-T-E-D
This is great and all, but everybody just needs to chill out and get back to their vintage British spanking porn.
Phenomenal.
” I was doing a cheap sneaky job for people I didn’t like, but – that’s what you hire out for, chum. They pay the bills, you dig the dirt. Only this time I could taste it.”
Raymond Chandler for the win.
Nice job, Ape. Your noire skills are strong.
This was a goddamn work of art. Bravo.
Bravura work, Ape.
You used “gestalt” and “Zeitgeist” properly…and in context. Truly, you are god.
That’s a pretty low bar.
I haven’t read Ellroy yet, but if any of you guys like hard-bitten crime novels in the vein of Richard Stark (Donald Westlake), check out the three Joe Kurtz novels by Dan Simmons. Good fun.
Amazing and complex. Impressive.
You’re not “super fucking excited” to take part in this tradition anymore?
holy fucking shit
James Ellroy is my favorite living author, and now you are my favorite living blogger.
/has computer propped up with a copy of White Jazz
Yup. This is why these guys are the professionals. Nicely done, Ape.
Bravo. Like the first poster said, this is some next-level shit. Reupholstered in a Yeezy Taught Me kind of way.
Did you spend your youth sending in to the Bulwer-Lytton contest? It might be worth a shot…
Spectacular work, Ape. Apetacular.
E-L-I-C-I-T-S laughter, joy and a L-I-T-T-L-E bit of horror all at the same time.
E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H Short
L-O-F-T-Y
Ape emerges from the pallor of Steeler shame and disappointment into the fog of Raven schadenfreude, after the stumbling attempts to find his way seemed hopeless, the sun of a new beginning lights his path. Or some such shit.
E-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I
Having the Super Bowl in Indianapolis is like Banging Adriana Lima on a bed of nails.
“Reverse cowgirl” or “The Butler”?
Meant to put this post response elsewhere, never mind.
But this was still awesome.
“He hated his indulgence.” Goat porn on Tumblr?
Wow, your poetic MILF discription is . . . poetic:
A sloppy mother figure barely able to prop herself on Bill. Her exposed breast cupped in his hand with the insouciance of a child being guided across a street.
beaucoup excellence. Eli = Ward Littell; Big Pete aka the Frenchman = JPP.
Absolutely. I think Ellroy love Big Pete so much, that he allowed him to live.
Pete Bondurant might be the most bad ass literary character of this century. I fucking love Ellroy. He is a beast. I wonder if he chows down on Skittles after he cranks out a particularly tough chapter?
…they found his ear on the front lawn………….
slow clap
Bravo, Mofo’s
Shit yes, that was great!
I can scarcely believe how spot-on this is.
This has to end with Bellcheat inhaling amyl nitrate poppers while butterflying a MILF hooker in a flophouse.
A MILF hooker? Interesting combination, maybe weird.
/but believable in this context.
“He flailed. He got clotheslined, he got rabbit-punched, he got tape slapped on his mouth. He was full-fledged fucked.” That’s some good Ellroy, right there.
Nice work Ape.
However, Elmore Leonard > James Ellroy
Even though the Elmore Leonard v. James Ellroy preference is subjective it is completely obvious that Upstate is far superior to Tebow.
Especially in the comment section.
They both have pretty high pedestals.
UU < Tebow
“They suspected nothing.”–sounds an awful lot like something The Dunge would say
Bravo. Loved this.
B-R-A-V-O! Bra-fucking-vo! Yesterday’s Drew post on Chopped was amazing, but this is sublime. Holy shit that was good!
Holy shit, Ape. I enjoy your posts, but this is some next-level shit. Bravo, sir. One of the best-ever posts on KSK.