It’s hard to discern precisely why Jim Caldwell’s firing makes me happy. I hate the Colts, after all, and I found it endlessly amusing to watch a man hired to stay out of Peyton Manning’s way suddenly thrust into the role of helming a team without Peyton Manning. His passive observation of the Colts’ unbridled awfulness will remain one of my favorite visuals of the 2011 season; the Colts may as well have been coached by a large toadstool or an ottoman.
So why enjoy his dismissal? It’s a relief to sane observers of the NFL — a welcome affirmation that an organization worth hundreds of millions of dollars is perhaps not captained by blind inbreds, as we’d begun to suspect with every passing day that Caldwell kept his job. There’s a recession, after all, and we’re capitalists: we’re happy that Jim Caldwell is fired because he DESERVED to be fired. Love or hate the Colts, the job should go to a productive member of society. (I say that now, but I actually hope the Colts hire someone equally terrible.)
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my co-worker’s ex-wife makes $67 every hour on the laptop. She has been without a job for 8 months but last month her paycheck was $7909 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Read more on this web site… LazyCash10.com
Co-worker’s ex-wife….
So alimony.
She fucks on her laptop? That doesn’t seem comfortable.
They said Caldwell was interviewing Spags for the DC job hours before he got called into the office. What exactly is going on in Indy and how much mediocre scotch is involved?
I hear Gregg Williams needs a job.
Al Davis. Sure, he’s dead, but that never stopped him before.
In Caldwell’s first year or two I was a supporter of Caldwell. But really any coach that you ever see that has a record as bad as the Colts already have almost always gets fired. Granted, Peyton is gone and you expect to not do nearly as well.
http://dermapuresite.net
I’ll miss Jim Caldwell, if only because that picture of Cat Caldwell makes me giggle every single time I see it.
I watched some of the Jim Irsay press conference; did anybody else get the impression he whisky’d the edge off before going up to the podium?
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=dw-wetzel_tom_coughlin_patience_inspires_giants_011612
Horrible Yahoo article on calm, Tom Coughlin. Riiiiight. While Rex is quite open with his histrionics, Coughlin strikes me as the type who either decapitates a “Kraut” or shows them team where Hoffa is buried.
Brooklyn Decker:
http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvqig4yeGX1qegssko1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1326942673&Signature=ajba2vQ0S35PmEiBaXs4CHfk1gY%3D
She is… err… ah would coach my team (penis) from the basement.
She can coach my team any time she is ready
Mike Singletary would not allow chicken in the locker room and does not have the capability to hack into any of the Irsays’ twitter accounts, jussayin.
Jim Irsay will announce later this week that he has a hired a piece of toast soaked in scotch to be the new head coach. People will react to this bizarre news by quietly and succinctly taking him away to an asylum. With no one to run the team in absentia, the team plows ahead with the toast as coach.
Bizarrely, the toast will win its first five games before tragically being devoured by a hobo. Afterwards, the NFL will step in to name the hobo who ate the toast head coach. This development leads to a five game losing streak, at which the hobo dies of dysentery.
The next head coach will be revealed via Papal smoke signals: A masked luchadore named Not Jim Caldwell seriously. They will win five out of six to claim the AFC South in week 17. When interviewing the masked coach, he will rip off his mask and reveal himself to be Rex Ryan from an alternate reality. He will then speak in nothing but KSKisms, before the NFL voids all of their wins and disbands the franchise.
Peyton Manning will stand in the center of Lucas Oil Stadium on the night they would have hosted that playoff game and shed a single tear. And then a metorite hits the stadium and vaporizes the city.
And there was much rejoicing.
1. The toast is a metaphor for a move so sideways that you just stop what you’re doing and scream, “FUCK IT! KILL ME NOW!” Acceptable picks would be Brad Childress, Mike Sherman, and somehow wresting Norv Turner from San Diego through Jedi mind tricks. Shananananananananananahan would work for actual toast, though coming to Indy would include the scotch bath.
2. Hobo Todd Haley is who I had in mind, though syphilis infested hobo would be more apt. Wolfman Rob wouldn’t die of dysentery, just like of anything remotely good in terms of porn and womenfolk. Dunno if there’s any more real hobo-y coaches though. Oh, yeah, Herm Edwards. Forgot about him…. back to therapy for me.
3. Masked Coach would indeed be Art Shell. And really, nothing else would fit because the idea of Art Shell being impersonated by KSK Rex is too good.
Don’t be ridiculous; werewolves don’t eat bread. Even if it *is* soaked in delicious scotch.
Are you that its Todd Haley and not Rob Ryan?
So you’re saying the Colts will hire Kerry Collins* followed by Todd Haley followed by Art Shell who is revealed to be Rexy? I like it.
*I also considered subbing Shanny in for “piece of toast”, but Collins seemed to fit better.
No Ducks beat me to Rich Kotite, but surely Ray Perkins or Dick MacPherson is available. MacPherson, like Caldwell, might be dead. But still.
If the management staff in Oakland isn’t currently interviewing Caldwell for their next coaching position, they’re not doing their job, by not doing their job.
I think Little Davis is trying to get in touch with Leif Garrett
They should hie Cam Cameron.
Like right now, this minute.
\PLEASE FOR THE LOVE GOD GET THIS MIKE MARTZ WANNABE OUT OF HERE.
NOOOO! McCoy needs to stay!
That would be hilarious on so many levels, but I doubt the Colts would do it.
/they’ll probably hire McCoy
//visions of Luck running the zone read
I once had a chemisrty teacher who told my buddy that his place in class “could easily be taken by a rock with moss on it”
-in 1970s when teachers were allowed to insult lazy students
-not Randy Moss
Is that cat available? He’s already got the headset. Would probably be a seamless transition.
The cat would have more informative and entertaining press conferences.
Cats like tuna….
The Dolphins have already announced they will double whatever the Colts offer the cat.
I can’t wait to see Todd Haley driving his Camaro in Indy.
Has anyone ever seen Caldwell talk?
Hire me! I’ll call you later from a number you don’t recognize. The secret code word is “fivehead.” That is all.
Take a look to the sky just before you die, it’s the last time you will!
/Caldwell stares straight ahead
+1
Bring Mora back, Playoffs, Playoffs?!
Art Shell. Rich Kotite. Dennis Greene.
There are a number of guys who could come out of retirement to fill the spot.
According to Hump Central, Steve Spagnuolo is being interviewed. Because he did so well for the Rams. It’s an early Groundhog Day present, 6 more weeks of Schadenfreude!
Back in ought 6 they were pretty healthy.
@Moose
So like every other season in Indy for the past what, 8 years?
If that happened half the team would be injured in three weeks.
Mike Martz!
Could McDaniels have three different coaching jobs in 3 weeks?
I’m hoping they sign Cam Cameron. That would be delightful on multiple levels.
good god, I’d cum a fucking river if that happened – i’d rather that happen than the ravens win the SB or Peter King get disemboweled by a rabid cobra
@0tarin
Indeed. I’m not even sure if I’d wish Cameron on the Steelers…
Huh. I always wondered if it was possible for a Ravens fan and a Colts fan to find common ground. Cam Cameron: Wanted by No One.
As someone that suffered through the Cam Cameron era at Indiana, YOU TAKE THAT BACK. YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT GODDAMN NOW.
I wonder if he knows yet. I mean, I’m sure he’s been told, several times, but I bet but he has yet to react.
“…I actually hope the Colts hire someone equally terrible.”
They will. NFL teams recycle bad coaches as if this were the first year of the league’s existence and they had no prior knowledge of the coach’s past performances.
Shahid Khan doesn’t understand what you’re saying. But then again, he doesn’t understand anyone who doesn’t have a season ticket package.
I can win with the ’90 Colts in Tecmo Super Bowl (a WORSE roster than the ’11 Dolts).
Indy, give me a call.
Hey, you did (and can do) worse.
So… Peyton’s going to be player/coach, right?
Neuheisel’s available. And he’s familiar with Luck, as Luck kicked his ass a few years.
Ironically, none of his games were ever Cald well.
Ha!