Future epigraph in a Drew Magary novel.

The NFL primetime games this week aren’t particularly great, at least on paper. In fact, they’re pretty bad. But that’s never stopped us from tuning before. And who knows? The games might even be entertaining, in their own sloppy, derpy way. Best case scenario: through in odd combination of events, the Vikings blow yet another huge lead in the second half while Cutler’s linemen allow him to be dismembered by Jared Allen. Other than that, there’s not much for those who don’t have Matt Forte or Purple Jesus in fantasy.

With that in mind, let’s focus on the more amusing moments from today’s action, shall we?

LeSean McCoy Gut Punch Andy Reid GIF on Twitpic

LeSean McCoy punching Andy Reid in the gut after icing the game with a first down run is instantly my new favorite gif/image/whatever. This even eclipses the DeSean Jackson-Andy Reid chest bump attempt from ’09. No small feat.

via Jose3030

Meanwhile in DC Raljon, MD, the Sex Cannon was benched for throwgasming four times to the other team.

John Beck took over from there, and played about as well as you’d expect John Beck to play. He did, however, go a long way to making sure that the security at team headquarters finally recognizes him. Because he had a name tag on during the post-game press conference.


via The Bog

Obviously, the “skirmish” between Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz will be fodder for all the talking head football etiquette experts to wring their hands, knit their brows and evacuate their bowels over. Not me. I love coach fights. Coach fights should serve as a playoff tiebreaker. Maybe not the first one, but at least in the top three. It should go: head-to-head, record vs. conference then coach fight. If the fight results in a Street Fighter-esque simultaneous double KO, keep going down the list.

That was a Hitler salute away from a Josh McDaniels-style gloat-splosion from Harbaugh. Later on, Harbaugh attributed all the drama to his handshake being too firm. TOO MUCH MAN FOR YOU, SCHWARTZ!

Just included this to point out that Jim Harbaugh has sideline gigolos.

Troy Polamalu suffered approximately the 900th concussion of his playing career today when his helmet collided with what Gruden would call one of Maurice Jones-Drew’s “thick lowers”. It certainly didn’t help that Ryan Clark felt it necessary to headbutt Troy after the play. James Harrison is sure to be upset when he isn’t the first Steelers player fined for causing a head injury in a teammate.

Cam Newton paid an homage to Deion Sanders after running in a TD against the Falcons. Because swag monster respect swag monster.

also via @Jose3030