
Bleacher Creatures aren’t just a group of obnoxious anti-Tommy’s, they’re also a company that produces oddly emotive plush dolls like the one above and the ones after the jump.

They call this one “BEN 23.” They’d call him “BEN 600″ if they knew the truth.

Drew Brees isn’t mad you made him look like he has Down Syndrome. In fact, he’s going to donate $5 for every doll sold to his favorite special education charity.

He looks promising enough, but feed him after midnight and he turns in to a petulant turnover machine.

While it may not look much like Troy Polamalu, it is hauntingly familiar. I imagine that it’s inspired equally by Easter Island Kid, Joseph Gribble, Dora the Explorer, and the Golem.

This must be the “upbeat pre-game Romo.” Or possibly “golf course Romo.” I’ve been searching the site for the classic “distraught post-game Romo” to no avail. They must be saving that one so one for Christmas shopping season.

I feel like he’s biting his lower lip and sizing me up. Sexually.

If you find this one sitting on your teenage daughter’s bed it’s already too late.

The telltale Manning face is the kung fu grip of plush dolls. Total game changer. Warning: Keep away from fetuses and newborns. Their stem cells sustain him.
h/t to Larry Brown Sports


When told he wouldn’t be part of the collection, Cutler said ” whatever “.
And I know this is bad, but my first thought upon seeing the Ben doll was ‘Please let me rape you’.
/Dick joke
Mandy, for that comment I might just love you.
Also, the lack of a Laserface puppet is sorely disappointing.
Brady has a mullet, Eli looks more like Brees than Brees’ does, Nacho looks like Quagmire. Have to say the best on is Ben, cant stop laughing
They test marketed a Vince Wilfork doll, but some kid got smothered.
Man, wheres a jay Culter one, complete with CULTERSULK tm.
The Vick doll looks exactly like Vince Young. This can’t be good.
@Bearcat – A little. Also upset because I want her job, if for no other reason than it would get me close enough to Cowherd to knee him in the balls.
Mandy’s upset that Michelle Beadle got dibs on the first Aaron Rodgers puppet.
I suspect Colin Cowturd uses one of the Brady dolls as a sex toy.
I like Danny‘s comment, but I thought this would work:
“Hi, Bleacher Creatures? I put my Nacho puppet next to my Cabbage Patch kids, and now the girls are pregnant.”
Then I realized This is why there’s no Cromartie doll. Every doll, the My Little Ponies, and half the GI Joes would be pregnant before you take it out of the box. Because it never comes outside the box.
I love the Con Air reference.
Scratch that. Insert a Raggedy Andy joke instead.
As soon as he starts really sucking on the field (Claussen-level sucking), everyone is going to call him Raggedy Andy anyway.
They could have done an Andy Dalton puppet, but they would have violated the intellectual property of the Chucky movies.
I agree with UU, there is no such thing as a puppet show that isn’t creepy.
Hi, Bleacher Creatures? I put my Ben Roethlisberger puppet next to my Cabbage Patch kids, and he tried to rape them.
What? No Stabby McStabberson puppet? It’s not like they couldn’t put a bandana on his head and a knife in his hands.
Wait, which one is rapeyface?
/All of them? Oh….ok…..
Can we get Mel Gibson to do a sequel to “The Beaver” with the Pey-Pey puppet?
Does Spinal Tap before or after the creepy puppet show?
Lot of ginger QB puppets there…
What they’re not telling you – Ben 23 in fact refers to his IQ.
@CHCC
And like Inspector Gadget: http://nickshell1983.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/inspector-gadget-penny-2.jpg
WATCH OUT PENNY!!!!!
Mark Sanchez looks swarthy.
I wonder if the Vick doll squeeks.
Plu the string on the Polomalu doll and it says “Call it, friendo.”
Little know fact, the real Vick and the stuffed Vick have shockingly similar construction.
And StuScottBooyahs wins the Internet. Bravo sir.
The Brees looks like a football playing Frankenstein’s monster. Where is Peter Boyle when you need him?
“Show me where on the Ben Roethlisberger doll he touched you.”
the Nacho Puppet has total crazy eyes. must be a side effect of not being able to see his opponent’s secondary.
Something something Goodell modern day slavery something something puppeteer something.
Also, Kobe doll. http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/7849/plusnbapa14lakkbrylarge.jpg
Why does the Sanchez doll bear a strong resemblance to Glen from Family Guy?
/Giggity, giggity goo!
@Mandy: “I want an Aaron Rodgers doll to masturbate with so he can fuck me as hard in real life as he did in fantasy last week”?
I think we all know where this can–nay, must–ultimately lead.
NFL Puppet Centipede.
/Rapeyface gets the last position
Jason Whitten says “Romo puppet + fleshlight = ……???
just pass the lube.”
where’s the SEX CANNON doll?
The pey pey one looks like he is taking a giant shit.
But are they absorbent? If not, they may never achieve the lofty Sex Cannon Seal of Approval.
You know what? I’ve forgotten my joke already. It was something about me wanting an Aaron Rodgers one, but I don’t remember it now. So nevermind that shit, I guess.
Why is the Sanchez puppet white?
Lofty reference to The Critic.
@Mandy, refrain? Etiquette? You do realize this is the KSK komment section.
My wife is a professional puppeteer, but I would not let that Rapeyface puppet in the same house as my daughter, much less the same room
@Sloth – But I celebrate Chanukah. Do I get an assortment of 8, or just 8 Marmalards?
I have masturbation jokes I could make about these puppets, but I’m not sure of the etiquette surrounding girls telling such jokes, so I’ll refrain.
BUT WHAT IF THE VICK DOLL WAS WHITE??!?!?!?!?
I know what I am sending each and every one of you for Christmas:
Marmalard puppets.
Ben 23 > Johnny 23
Can we request a Pacman plush?
Chuh chuh!!
I would pay large sums for a Jay Cutler. Lulz would ensue.
Also, “creepy puppet show” is redundant.
These are great gifts if you hate your kids.
Really. They put the mole on Brees’ face. Really.
Vick is totally saying “dat ass.”