Sorry, Hank Hill.

We’re back in business after a big week. That means it’s time to splurge on something truly unnecessary. Behold, the $450 cookbook. Modernist Cuisine is a five volumes of art, science, and technique. It’s awesome to look at, and totally not worth the absurd amount of money. I want it more than anything.

Last Week: 9-3-1
Overall: 38-35-3

San Francisco at Detroit -4

Which upstart is for real? I’m not picking the Lions as much as I am not picking Alex Smith.

Indianapolis at Cincinnati -7

I’ve been slow to come around on the Bengals. I’m ready to admit that they might not be that terrible. AJ Green is a monster, and they give up fewer yards than any defense in the league. Besides Curtis Painter still blows.

Buffalo +3 at New York Giants

The Giants have been giving up metric fucktons of rushing yards the last few weeks. If Seattle and Arizona can do it, so can Buffalo.

Philadelphia -1.5 at Washington

I can’t tell if I’m being rational or a cynical anti-homer. Either way, I have bad feelings on this one.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh -12

That’s a lot of points for a team that has played like shit more often than not. Still, it’s Jacksonville…

St. Louis at Green Bay -14.5

Regardless of where you stand politically, I think we can all agree that this Joe Biden coosie is brotastic. The fact that this is being sold by the campaign, and not some novelty shop makes me fall in love with America all over again.

Carolina +3.5 at Atlanta

DeAngello Williams and Jonathan Stewart have combined to carry the ball three times in the red zone. Cam Newton has carried it 15 times inside the 20. Cam will account for 500 yards of offense and be left wondering how they could lose another close game.

Houston at Baltimore -7

Via.

Cleveland +6.5 at Oakland

Peyton Hillis admitted that his decision to sit against Miami was at least party influenced by his agent. That’s the kind of stuff you might not want to make public when you’re trying to score a new contract.

Dallas at New England -7

How dare you eat fried chicken in the lockah room? TOO FAHKIN SOON, ESE!

New Orleans -4 at Tampa Bay

Ugh, I miss Archer so much. That’s a hole even gambling can’t fill.

Minnesota +3 at Chicago

Minnesota’s pass rush + Jay Cutler’s offensive line = lulz

Miami at New York Jets -7

Matt Moore gets his first start for the Dolphins on Monday Night Football, and Brandon Marshall is already planning on getting ejected. Tony Sparano doesn’t wear his sunglasses at night to look cool, he wears them to hide the tears.