The football foretaste on Thursday was so good, I do believe we’ll do this again. In lieu of analysis or thoughtful ruminations on the start of the season, here’s a collection of 25 amusing NFL player anagrams that someone else put together. You can tell we’re quite active on Sunday mornings.

Your early slate, replete with arbitrary ratings.

*****

Steelers at Ravens

The blood feud is resumed for the first of at least two times this season. Three, if lovers of TEXTBOOK SMASHMOUTH INJUREEEE-HAVIN’ FOOTBAW are lucky. As always, everyone expects a 11-9 finish, ignoring the fact that the teams combined for 55 points in their divisional round playoff game in January. Also, that both teams have some issues in the secondary. If you know me, I’ll be spending three hours spraying spittle at the TV throughout the game, not unlike Bill Cowher or this woman.


gifs via

****

Detroit at Tampa Bay

YUNG GUNZ. Such high ceilings for these two teams, what with their young up-and-coming quarterbacks. Wait, when did Stafford get that designation? Because he beat the Patriots in the preseason. Maybe he’ll look good in the quarter and a half he plays before injuring his shoulder and missing the remainder of the season.

Atlanta at Chicago

Jay Cutler-to-Roy Williams is my most anticipated trainwreck of the season. No way it doesn’t descend into the saddest sideline fight in NFL history by Week 4.

***

Philadelphia at St. Louis

SAM BRADFORD SAM BRADFORD SAM BRADFORD SAM BRADFORD WHAT ELSE IS IN ST. LOUIS I DON’T KNOW SOMEONE TELL ME SAM BRADFORD SAM BRADFORD SAM BRADFORD

DREAM TEAM DREAM TEAM DREAM TEAM WHAT OTHER TALKING POINTS ARE THERE ABOUT THE EAGLES I DON’T KNOW MAYBE THEIR HORRIBLE FANS DREAM TEAM DREAM TEAM DREAM TEAM

Indianapolis at Houston

BAHAHAHA! Still no Fetushead! Oop. No Arian Foster either. With the rest of the AFC South in shambles, the road couldn’t be any clearer for the Houston Texans Americans Earthlings. So it should be extra hilarious when they manage to blow it yet again.

**

Buffalo at Kansas City

HALEY ON THE HOT SEAT! But of course. All the seats in the Camaro are heated.

Cincinnati at Cleveland

Only boosted to two stars for the potential for inter-Ohio tardery.

*

Titans at Jaguars

McNown alert. I repeat: MCNOWN ALERT. Only for the most morbidly curious (or unfortunate, if you want to throw in Titans and Jags fans). Hopefully the reports that Chris Johnson will have his carries limited will keep away even the most diligent fantasy owners.