Tom Brady Cut His Hair. U MAD?
09.28.11
What’s that? You had finally accepted Tom Brady’s long hair? You thought he sometimes kinda looked like Tim Riggins and/or you liked the way it bothered Boston fans?
Well, too bad! THE HAIR HAD TO GO. You messed up the minute you liked or disliked or expected something from Tom Brady: Troll Genius. Picked the Patriots in a suicide pool? FOUR INTERCEPTIONS. Tom Brady answers to no one! TOM BRADY AIN’T CARE.
Tom Brady’s gonna grow a mustache next! A big, thick cop mustache that would have looked good 30 years ago. He’s going to single-handedly usher in a new era where mustaches are sexy and masculine and not worn ironically. UNLESS YOU WANT HIM TO.
(image: Chris Forsberg via Paul Klatcher)
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“Tom Brady’s gonna grow a mustache next! A big, thick cop mustache that would have looked good 30 years ago.”
I think Aaron Rodgers already beat him to it.
[4.bp.blogspot.com]
Maybe Brady will grow an Abe Lincoln beard?
Who got effed by Tom Brady and the rest of that douchebag losersquad in their suidice pool? THIS GUY!
Now that he got his hair cut, when’s he going to lose the beard? What’s her name, Gisele?
I vote for a John Waters mustache.
Nice to see he’s still covering his bald spot with a baseball hat.
Maybe it’s Brady’s way of joining in protest against Rummy?
TAWMMY FROM QUINZEE was there, callin out all the QUEEAHHS
[www.washingtonpost.com]
@Otto: Very nice.
Oh and thoughts on Breaking Bad?
Oh, a John Waters pencil-thin mustache would be brilliant.
I’d like to see him go with a long Fu Manchu. Something he can stroke thoughtfully during press conferences, like he’s Pai Mei in Kill Bill.
Not to be over-shadowed, Ochocinco gets hooks for hands. His on-field production…remains unaffected.
You were right, LTF, it did not disappoint.
I actually liked the episode before this last one for pure badassery, but this one set up an amazing finish to the season. Wow.
Toothbrush mustache. If it was good enough for Charlie Chaplin, Hitler and Michael Jordan, it’s good enough for Tom Brady.
A John Waters stache would be nice, but I was thinking of something like this for Brady. Nothing like a completely over the top Triple-Rollie Fingers-esque stache to say “U MAD?” to the Tawmmy’s of the world.
Brady needs to shave his head and grow a Brett Keisel goatee.
Crossin my fingers for: Tom Brady-White Kimbo Slice Action Figure!
Tom Brady’s next move: get a neck tattoo.
Or not. Fuck Tom Brady and fuck the Patriots. Stupid me betting on their asses.
He should grow the Rollie Fingers handlebar stache.
I think he should go with muttonchops.
@H Cuz – That’s no goatee, my man’s got a Pomeranian attached to his face.
My amazement at Bradys trolling skills almost make me like him despite a hatred for the Patriots. Almost.
It was nice of him to steal The Rock’s sideburns.
Full on Mohawk with the Yankees NY symbol left in short stubble on either side of his head.
Pretty much any facial topiary from a Civil War general would work for me.
Brady might be cleaning up for his next Ugg commercial.
I’m hoping for skullet, but he’ll probably be shaving the Yankees logo into his head
I won’t except anything less than a William Taft.
[www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk]
I think he needs to douche it up. Go with a fauxhawk.
He needs to look like Guy Fieri.
i just don’t want to see him with a neckbeard.
I don’t know why, but “Tom Brady Ain’t Care!” makes me burst out laughing every time i see it.
He should start wearing a Taqiyah.
He should go with a “Landing Strip” moustache to match Gisele’s.
SAWX NATION SAMPSON CUT HIS GOLDEN LAHKS! THIS IS BUCKNAHESQUE!
I’m just surprised he didn’t go for the mullet
As far as facial hair goes a big Freddy Mercury would do just fine.
Fuck, Cuntsox are up 3-2 going into the 9th, I really hope Papelfuck blows it and the Rays win.
/Yeah I know its baseball, but its Wednesday.
//Stop looking at me funny.
///but honestly I probably hate papelfuck just a smidgeon more than brady.
Tom Brady as the Honey Badger…he don’t give a shit what you think
@Lord Revisile
Sure, it’s baseball. But as they remind us so often, Sox baseball is *different.*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH(phew)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH & HA!!!!!!
/I going to go over to the Dead ESPN magazine thread and piss on its corpse.
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
FACKIN GRIT SOX LOST LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
OMG
LOL.. Epic Tawmmy post this week. I cannot wait.
In other Boston news, HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THE RED SOX GET DICKFUCKED AT “FENWAY SOUTH” BY THE SHITTY ASS ORIOLES AND GET ELIMINATED .00003 SECONDS LATER BY THE RAYS WALK-OFF HOMER.
God, I feel great!
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Most dominant sports city! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes this is a glorious day!
If there is a God…
…he is a motherfucking EPIC troll.
That might of been the happiest I’ve been after a Yankee’s lose.
BAHAHAHAHAH TAHMMYYY IS FACKIN CRYIN IN HIS FACKIN SNAPPLE BAHTTLE RIGHT NOW
I pray that the Raiders beat the Pats on Sunday, just so the entire city of BAAHHHHSTON falls into the sea.
[www.nesn.com]
THE GRITTIEST COLLAPSE EVAH! Bahaha.
It’s bad enough that Longoria’s homerun barely made it over the left field wall, like the rays barely made the playoffs.
so much win.
Don’t worry, Mr. Brady. You’ll have a whole bunch of lifelong Patriots fans again tomorrow morning.
This is too rich. My housemate is in his room crying into a pillow. I just turned on “Song 2″ by blur on max volume just to piss him off worse. This is epic. SO epic. Seriously, the high I’m feeling right now is comparable to the post-sex high – actually no, it’s better; because this is SO FUCKING PERFECT AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. Wow. Words…words just fail.
God, I think I need a cigarette.
I mean, this is the most agonizing way to lose possible for the Red Sox.
Remember this day, kids. This is the Greatest Day in Schadenfreude History.
I really want to red Shausenenene’s (whatever the fuck his name [I’ll call him Baseball’s Peter King) sob piece.
read
@StuSott: I’d go outside for a smoke, but it’s currently pouring (as if it ever did anything else in Ithaca).
I’m opening up the Belvedere IX for this one, fellas. This right here is history. I’ll be telling my quarter-black quarter-white half-Asian grandkids about this one day while rambling about LOLcats and muttering ABABABABABABABABABA.
I really want to see a “Nawt you” video for this Red Sox team.
The chance for the Perfect Sports Year is still alive. C’mon God, go for the Grand Slam.
Red Sox: Tonight
Patriots: Lose division and playoff spot on last day of season to Bills
Celtics: Canceled season
Bruins: Miss playoffs on last day of season to Sabers
IT FIGUAHS BECAUSE OF THE BAHSTON CURSE.
/anyone else think the Sox-Orioles color guy sounded like Shauuaghghghnessey?
@Bostjan: 1. Epic trolling. Just epic. 2. How old is your fucking roommate? As a guy who roots for Buffalo teams AND the frigging Braves, I stopped crying at the age of 12. Sure, it may get a little dusty if those teams ever win, but outside of that…
The Red Sox blowing it makes it all the better. I’m rapidly going from shock about the Braves to ‘I ain’t even mad’.
@Hurtin
You talking about the NESN announcer? Because that’s Jerry Remy.
Also, you could technically include the Patriots lose to the Jets in the Divisional round in January so 3 out of 4 would already be accomplished (Basketball will not happen this year).
Raging Sawxenfreude boner.
I humbly request a Special Edition Fun with Bill Simmons for the douchetastic column that is sure to follow this epic collapse.
This might have been the best night in sports LMAOO!!!
I can’t wait for Tommy this week … holy fuck ,, FUCK YOU BOSTON ahahahahaha
@Bostjan: Awesome.
If he’s still up break out some Dirty Water.
@Jim: My roommate is 21. Just goes to show you that most college students are nothing more than 14-year-olds with a trust fund and a penchant for blow. It’s unreal, really. This dude is a totally nice guy, really quiet, loves to drink; but fuuuuuuuck I am loving every second of this. Yeah man. Yeah fuckin’ man.
I’m creaming my pants at the mere thought of how fucking EPIC the Tawmmy post is going to be tomorrow.
Life.
Is.
Good.
@Lord R
I should have known it wasn’t him when he didn’t start waxing poetic after the game about Buckner and the sale of Babe Ruth for a blowjob and a bottle of Jack.
Christ, by the time I was 21, I’d seen my teams lose four Super Bowls, four World Series and the Stanley Cup Finals and all I got was a little dusty after the 1996 World Series. NUT UP, JUNIOR.
/er, except Super Bowl XXV
//still can’t watch highlights
///still roots for the Celtics anyway
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
FUCK YOU SIMMONS!
Christ, I’m watching them interview Papelbon on MLB network and it is fucking awesome.
Down goes th Pedroias!
Hot Damn!
This is the largest boner I have had in probably 4 years.
No one denies this!
I like it when the Yankies or Mets lose, but I feel glad of the joy that this Saux development has spread throughout KSKation.
*Sings [www.youtube.com]
Holy Fuck, I’m watching mlb network and they showed a clip of Baseball Peter King during the rain delay looking as giddy as a school girl and saying the Rays would lose (at the time the score was 7-0 NYY). I wish I had a DVR.
I am going to really start drinking now!
[www.youtube.com]
I actually like the Murphys. I bounced on stage with them for my birthday years back.
True story.
Don’t listen! That Fleshlight was ASKING for it!
[sports.espn.go.com]
“Pitching on three days’ rest, Jon Lester limited the last-place Orioles to two runs and four hits over six gritty innings.”
YOU WASTED LESTAH’S GRIT!!!
@ Lord Revisisle,
Your powers of jinxing are unreal. I hope to buy you a beer IRL someday!
OWAH GRITSOX LAWST! THIS IS THE MOST CRUSHING DEFEAT EVAH!
Yeah… Cleveland would like a word with you. As would Buffalo, Philly, Minnesota, Seattle, well almost every city has right to complain.
You know who shouldn’t complain? Someone who won 2 world series in the past decade, along with a title in every other sport. Oh wait….
NAWT YOU
I’d like to propose that when a team that spends over 90 million on players, loses the Wild Card in Epic choke fashion to a team that spends much less, we refer to that as a ” Simmons “.
/dick joke
/F the sawx
Schadenfreudegasm is epic schadenfreudegasm
/so schadenfreudegasm it happened to Papelbon I can barely schadenfreudegasm
//schadenfreudegasm
///did I mention schadenfreudegasm?
////also hahahahahahaha fucking Braves
/////SCHADENFREUDEGASM SQUARED
[www.youtube.com]
So so so so SO FUCKING GOOD WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO
Brady cuts hair, Sox out of play-offs. I like to think we have the Buffalo Bills to thank for this.
Drew called it. SHADES OF BUCKNAHHHH!
[fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com]
CRAWFAAAAHHD is the new BUCKNAH!!!
Ahh Miss Aw-Uhh Cindy Brady
@ UU
I really enjoyed the first graph.
/Why the hell is that article in the Politics section?
Komrades,
I present you with a gift. Enjoy.
[www.boston.com]
Komrades,
Another gift: [www.grantland.com]
I’ve found my new desktop background: [cache.boston.com]
As a Sox and Pats fan who is less than happy about the results of last night, I have a question:
Am I allowed to say something along the lines of “Well, that fucking sucks, but they played like shit in September and didn’t earn a playoff spot. Hopefully the Pats don’t fuck up similarly like last year.”
Does that make me bitter? Apathetic? Because really, it sucks, but life goes on, and it’s just baseball. Football is far more important.
/end…rant?
//not from Boston
Robert Andino, baseball meast of the week:
“End of season like this, to make Boston go home sad, crying, I’ll take it all day.”
“Football is far more important.”
That’s treason in Red Sox Nation.
To me, baseball is something to pass the time while I’m drinking. Football is something I devote all my weekend to. Not really even close. Yeah, I was excited when the Sox won their series victories, but I’ve learned not to be a dick about it and rub it in people’s faces (living in NYC has taught me humility on that front). Maybe I’m just a bad fan because I don’t relish in delivering the hate.
Except against Colts fans. Fuck them. This is a gloroious season.
You’re more than welcome to like one sport more than the other, and certainly your position is supported here. But I was trying to joke about the tendency of Boston fans to care about baseball more than football. Reminds of me of a KSK article a couple of years ago: [kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com]
Absolutely! Two sports, like football and drinking.
Best red sox Schadenfreude Day Evah! I live in Beantown; but hate the sox.
/pats fan though
//hopes brady is not like sampson