Peyton goes for a walk. Lots of news for you today, humps. Peyton Manning started his rehab process by going for a “brisk walk” at the team’s training facility. If he doesn’t encounter any setbacks he’s expected to join Olivia and the gals for their Sunday morning mall walk. [Shutdown Corner]
This is Jeff George’s way of reminding everyone that he’s alive. Jason Whitlock’s favorite quarterback wants to toss his helmet in the Indianapolis quarterbacking ring. “I know it’s a long shot, but they need something.” Something. Anything. Well, anything but Jeff George, of course. Because he’s both terrible and old enough to have attended Woodstock. [Chicago Tribune]
And now for something even more ridiculous. Indy Star columnist Bob Kravitz doesn’t like what he sees from the Colts. His solution is Brett Favre. That’ll generate some fat-fingered click-throughs! Kravitz argues that the team has “nothing to lose except for some more of Irsay’s pocket change.” Counterpoint: they have nothing to gain either. [Indy Goddamn Star]
He loves he some kimchi. Terrell Owens is in Korea to undergo stem cell treatment on his surgically repaired knee. Owens was referred to a Korean anti-aging clinic by Dr. James Andrews because the FDA doesn’t want American doctors to have any fun. Whether or not it will help him heal any faster or sign with an NFL team is unclear, but I did get to make a kimchi joke out of it. So there’s that. [Korea Times via Airport News]
Fat people. Former top-ten draft pick Antone Davis is a contestant on the latest season of Biggest Loser which premiered last night. He’s up to a hefty 447 pounds, but seeing as how he was drafted a year after Jeff George a comeback may not be out of the question. More importantly, Anna Kournikova is one of the new trainers replacing the crazy lady who makes Ufford weak in the knees. [Peacock]
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Face painting with Colts “eye black” stickers? Only in Indy.
Becuase I wasn’t sure who she was rooting for until I saw the stickers on her face..
If you say Brett Farve’s name two more times he will appear and throw back breaking interceptions.
The Fat Humps are being so quiet right now. I’m not sure if it’s:
1) The anticipation of Brett Favre coming out of retirement to lead them to an 0-16 record
2) The fact that their GM waited until the start of the season to bring in Kerry Collins even though he know Peyton wouldn’t be ready to play
3) They are over over-gorging themselves with pounds of brisket, mashed taters and gravy…LOTS OF GRAVY…
As long as she stays away from the fans with the blue on the left side of their faces she should be alright.
/old enough to be at woodstock and remember the original star trek
I think you need to include more information about what a brisk walk is for the fat humps. They think a brisk walk is what you do when your TV remote breaks, and you have to get up off the couch to change the channel.
Brisket, mashed potatoes, and lots of gravy: the Fat Hump’s post-bariatric surgery snack.
Getting up to change the channel? WTF, that’s what kids are for.
Peypey’s brisk walk is still a better performance than anything Elisha can come up with.
I am afraid that if i talk bad about Jillian Michaels, she will come to my house and rape me with her penis. You sir are a brave soul indeed
Mark this date Fat-humps! October 9th, KC @ Indy, the Andrew Luck Bowl. Be prepared to bring the suck Colts fans, Because I know we will.
Oh, How the mighty have fallen.
/HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I had hoped I would never have to read Antone Davis’ name again. DAMMIT.
Damn, almost forgot to share the funniest Fat Hump story in a while. Last night at dinner, I overheard a woman say, “I just can’t cheer for Peyton Manning anymore. Did you hear he had that surgery where they have to kill babies to get stem cells?”
All I have to say is fuck Bob Kravitz.
I swear to Jesus himself that if Brett Favre was dead and cremated one of these A-hole journalists would suggest putting his fucking urn behind center.
@ Mandy:
How do they think his head got to look that way?
I swear to Jesus himself that if Brett Favre was dead and cremated one of these A-hole journalists would suggest putting his fucking urn behind center.
Now that is fucking funny. +1
@UU
Gets pretty bright under the dome…
I think you need to include more information about what a brisk walk is for the fat humps.
True. They all think it’s waddling to the fridge to get another two-liter bottle of Lipton Brisk Supersweet Tea.
Mark this date Fat-humps! October 9th, KC @ Indy, the Andrew Luck Bowl. Be prepared to bring the suck Colts fans, Because I know we will.
I’m confident that the Chiefs will someone find a way to fuck up losing this year, ending the season with only the second worst record and missing out on Luck in the draft.
Haley will probably do it just out of spite.
I’m just waiting for the demanding die-hards on Stampeding Blue to start a “Trade For Tebow” campaign….
/insufferableness skyrockets
@Otto
Yeah, you’re probably right. What are the odds we use the #2 overall on some dogshit D-lineman out of LSU?
I took a brisk walk over my lunch break to buy smokes. I’m only a few weeks away from my return to the NFL!
@TT”R” – Before they signed Kerry Collins, one of the local news channels did a poll asking fans who they wanted to replace Manning. Over half said Tebow. The comments were all like, “He’s a good Christian kid! The Broncos won’t play him because of the liberals!”
@Mandy
I can picture them gravy frothing from their gullets whenever a back-up (See: Kafka) plays more competently than Kerry “Todd” Collins.
You know who else liked kimchi? That’s right, Adolph Hitler. Wait. Or is it Frank Stallone? Dammit, kimchi jokes are HARD!
*Their gravy
What are the odds we use the #2 overall on some dogshit D-lineman out of LSU?
Given our track record, pretty good.
@TT”R” – Yeah, with their fetish for good in college/pro 3rd stringers, you’d think they’d be creaming their elastic-waist jorts over the guy who broke Drew Brees’s records at Purdue, but they’d probably lynch Curtis Painter if he ever started.
Regarding Andrew Luck: as much as the national sports media talks about the Colts drafting Luck, I really haven’t heard any discussion of that locally. The Colts will return to obscurity the moment Peyton Manning retires. Same thing happened when Reggie Miller retired, no one gave a shit about the Pacers anymore.
(Sorry I’m so chatty today. I’m unemployed, so it’s either this or wedding planning.)
Mandy is on her A game today.
P.S. Gravy and Colt fan tears mixed in the right proportions make awesome lube for anal.
this post needs to be adorned a shot of Anna Kournikova. where is Caveman when you need him?
@ Mandy -
this religious satire site is already making fun of people like that.
[christwire.org]
FETUS HEAD IS A SINNER!
@fangirls on helium: Fuck Bob Kravitz with Tom Brady’s dick.
@Mandy: It’s because this team can win now, and more importantly win in the future with the talent restocking trading out of the #1 pick would yield. Consider this: Indianapolis trades out of the #1 overall pick and gets Cleveland’s two #1s this year. They use them to select Jeffrey out of South Carolina and Crick out of Nebraska in the first round, and Barron out of Alabama at the top of the 2nd. The Colts would pick up the top WR, DT, and S in the draft, which would radically reshape the defense and offense and give them the talent to win for years to come.
MB; you spludged on your own face with that post. The sad thing is you feel good about it. Until your mom’s cat starts licking it, that is.
@MB
Uh. Your franchise player is going to be 36 the next time he plays. Yeah, BRITTFAR and all that, but towards the end of his career, he slowed down a fuckton, and he had his deficiencies masked by a stellar run game and a good or great offensive line.
The Colts are going down in flames. Glorious, glorious flames.
Mandy”s and MB’s posts remind me why I left Indiana years ago. TN has it’s share of morons (and mouth-breathing Peyton fanboys), but at least people here know SOMETHING about football.
I’d like to speak up for the Denver fans; a huge number are fucking idiots and a huge number are god squadders who love Tebow. It is a small market so the total volume is less; but the
Iintensity of Stupid (IoS) is just as great as any town.