JEREMY SHOCKEY SAVED A TEAMMATE’S LIFE. Fellow Panthers tight end Ben Hartsock was choking on a piece of pork tenderloin when, according to Hartsock’s agent, Shockey either performed the Heimlich or slapped him on the back, thus dislodging the obstruction. It is the first time that Shockey has ever been associated with not choking.

Also, we found the picture above to be somewhat meme-worthy. There’s a template (and an example) below the jump to get you started.

PEYTON HILLIS HAS NEVER WORKED IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY. A ten-dollar tip for a $105 restaurant bill. At present, the Madden Curse is only affecting Hillis’s waiters. [Deadspin]

SAINTS CUT ALEX BROWN. Brown, 32, registered a career-low 2.0 sacks last season in New Orleans after eight successful years in Chicago. [PFT]

MICHAEL VICK, ON BEING ABLE TO PAY OFF CREDITORS: “That will be breath of fresh air.” *takes huge bong rip* [@Jeff_McLane]

JEREMY MACLIN PROBABLY DOESN’T HAVE CANCER. Maclin missed most of the preseason due to symptoms of a mysterious illness that was never diagnosed (tests for lymphoma were “inconclusive”), but he says he’s feeling good and will play in the season opener. I love getting non-information like this the day I have a fantasy draft. [ESPN]

JOE NAMATH ON LETTERMAN TONIGHT. Other guests include Alec Baldwin and Lenny Kravitz, so don’t get your hopes up for unwanted drunken advances.

Feel free to make your own:

This week, KSK is raising money for the Special Operations Warrior Fund through Matt Ufford’s Fight Gone Bad effort. Donate here. For more information, go here.