stink sink gators, my Arizona players

When the Gay Mafia embarked on its vacation from nothing 10 days ago, a CBA settlement that would allow for a full NFL season was presumed by most to be, if not entirely a done deal, at least safely in the offing. Turns out, one comprehensive Mike Silver report later and we’re back to cutting our wrists in stitch lines. Remember, laces in if you want to bleed out.

Oh, and now there’s a basketball lockout, too. Sh*t just got exacerbated.

But it hasn’t been all doom and gloom in our absence. There was some retarded stuff going on on Twitter! Most notably, under the auspices of Darnell Dockett’s account. Previously, the Cardinals defensive tackle has used the site to endlessly mock Albert Haynesworth and to show himself naked in the shower, all of which just so happens to be pretty consistent with my Twitter usage as well.

But last week was a banner one for Dockett, who made a splash by live-tweeting a run-in he had with some police officers who were trying to search his vehicle. Joke’s on John Law, as the officers were meet only with incredibly sassy and poorly punctuated resistance. If that weren’t enough, Dockett also decided to share on Sunday that he’s bought a pet alligator. Why? I don’t know. Who among us hasn’t dreamed of being the villain from The Rescuers Down Under? He’s named the thing Nino. If I know heavily tatted large black men as well as I think I do, that’s undoubtedly a reference to Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s nickname.

So we’re all about caught up now, right? That July 15 deadline for an agreement before the preseason schedule gets screwed sure is coming up fast. Brave faces, everybody.