We’re in the dreaded NFL offseason. There’s still no real football for months. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, hating things is what we do best, which is why we have the recurring This Week In F–k You series, to soothe your white hot anger. This week: You.
By now, you’ve probably heard about NetFlix and their itemized pricing for their DVD delivery and streaming video services. Instead of paying $9.99 a month to enjoy movies both through the mail and your internet connection, you’ll now have to pay $15.98, effective September 1. This will amount to a price “hike” of about $6.03 per month, or just over 20 cents per day.
Naturally, you went apeshit.
You called it a “massive price increase,” and an act of greed, which seems a bit disingenuous when one considers recent events in the world right now. Never mind the fact that Netflix has gone on record with their annoyance of having to mail out actual DVDs to people, or that movie studios are going to fuck the company in the ass when it comes time to re-up their content deals. That’s a 60 percent hike!, you kept saying over and over. Because you are an idiot.
Now, NetFlix does deserve a lot of shit for announcing this as their “lowest prices ever” on their blog which, ironically, they don’t pay to maintain. And some of you will actually follow through on your threat to cancel your subscriptions, and you should if you find better options. But this is a #FirstWorldProblem if ever there was one. Don’t give yourself carpal tunnel while hammering out your white whine.
The monthly cost of both services together is still probably less than you would pay to see a first-run movie in a theater. Couple that with the facts that (a) movies that come into theaters now routinely suck donkey balls, (2) people in a theater (i.e.–YOU) don’t know how to shut the fuck up or stop using their (YOUR) cell phones and (d) you have to LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE to get there, and you tell me where you’re getting better value for your money. Can you wait two months to see Green Lantern? Don’t you wish you had?
And don’t even get me started on Redbox. If your life sucks enough that you can manage back-to-back trips to the grocery store, go ahead and rent a DVD out of a vending machine. I didn’t realize so many of you were thinking, “Yes, Blockbuster was great, but I really wish the store was just the size of a Coke machine, and people were buying cigarettes behind me while I waited in line.” Hey, it’s your life.
NetFlix doesn’t exist to just bring you cheap shit at your own leisure. It’s an evolving company trying to survive in a batshit marketplace while dealing with some of the greediest fucks on planet Earth. Granted, they should still fire everyone in their PR department, but to paint them with the same brush as Wall Street conglomerates is just fucking stupid.
And if none of that is enough to make you realize what a crybaby douche you’re being, go into your living room when you get home tonight and take a look at your DVR box. If you have one, you’re probably paying in the vicinity of three figures per month for that thing and the channels that come with it. And with all the other shit going on in the world right now, you’re complaining about paying another 20 cents a day.
Get over yourself.
I want more like this!
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