So didja hear? This lockout business is gonna be cleared up by SUNDEE. And you know what comes after that? Free agency! Cooch Shanny and that smiley fella are gonna hop in Redskins One and snatch up all the best talent before these other clowns even know they’re back open for business.

/listens to the Junkies

Who do you think we’ll sign first? I hear Braylon is already sure thing. How can we lose?

/tweets @chaddukes incessantly

Once he’s locked up for the rest of the decade we can fly out to visit NNAMDEE. Hail to ole, DC!

/never gets any closer to DC than Landover

And you know who would look good on the other side? CROOMARTEE.

/calls Czabe to predict a 14-2 record

It’s gonna be like ’82 and ’87 all over again, so book us a room for the Super Bowl. The Redskins are returning to GLOREE!

/sets up camp outside of Redskins Park in anticipation of training camp