We’re now in the dreaded post-draft stretch of the NFL offseason. There’s no football on, and there still won’t be for months, if not longer. You’re hurt oddly serene. You’re angry somewhat optimistic a new labor deal will be done on time, resulting in an incredibly unpredictable free agency period and full season. You’re hateful full of hugs! We understand. At KSK, hating adoring things is what we do best, which is why we have the offseason series, This Week In F—k I Love You. This week: Dairy Queen.
I’m going on vacation next week. Good vacation. LOFTY vacation. And boy, did I earn it after all that hard work I did making fun of Peter King and calling LeBron James a cocksucker! Anyway, this vacation will feature cramped sleeping quarters and screaming children and any number of failed attempts to eat in a restaurant. But I can live with all that, because I know that there is a Dairy Queen very close to where we are staying.
Oh, Dairy Queen. Oh, how I wish you were an actual queen, with big tits and soft serve ice cream coming out of your twat and a scepter made out of chili dogs. You complete me, Dairy Queen. So long as I remain under your rule, nothing bad can ever happen to me, even when my kid asks me to draw a picture Belle for the hundredth time. I TOLD YOU I’M NOT GOOD AT ARTS AND CRAFTS, YOU LITTLE SHIT.
I remember when the Blizzard first came out. It was 1985. I saw the commercial on TV and damn near barfed all over my baja shirt with excitement. Candy? And ice cream? And it’s mixed together? HOLY FUCKBALLS. Then I waddled to the local DQ and they served it to me upside-down to prove its thickness, just like in the commercial. I cried big fat happy tears of joy. And I still get that exact same feeling of little fat kid excitement any time I pass by a Dairy Queen today. OMG! IT’S A FUCKING DAIRY QUEEN! I MUST HAVE IT! I would stick my dick in a Butterfinger Blizzard if it were socially acceptable.
And what’s amazing is that no one has really improved on the Blizzard since its introduction. TCBY is slushy diarrhea compared to a Blizzard. And FUCK your cafeteria’s soft serve toppings bar. I can’t mix that shit myself. Too many precious Oreo bits go spilling out the side of the cup because I overloaded it with toppings because I have problems. I need to ensure that every candy bit is evenly dispersed throughout the ice cream, so that every bite I take is guaranteed to include a piece of peanut butter cup. Any bite that doesn’t is sad and pointless.
My old school in Minnesota was located on a hill (fancy!), and down the hill was a main drag that included a Dairy Queen. You got there by walking under the football field bleachers and taking a path through the woods down the slope to the main street. I made a point after every jayvee football game I rode the bench in to walk down that path and go eat a Blizzard to reward myself for all the hard work I did not playing football that day. And God, that walk was the most exciting thing in my life. Artie Lange once said the best part about cocaine is going to get it. TOTALLY APPLIES TO DAIRY QUEEN.
Last summer, I was at some bachelor party when we walked by a Dairy Queen on the way to the liquor store. I demanded we go in. Then I had a Blizzard. Then, I had another Blizzard, scraping every last drop of melted goodness out of the bottom. There was an Austrian with us and he looked at me funny because I was so insane to eat at Dairy Queen. Then I shoved my Blizzard in his face and said ,”Eat this, BITCH.” Then he took a bite with that long red spoon and nodded. “Okay. I get it.” Fuck yeah you do, Franz. Blizzards rule.
They used to make a specialty Blizzard called the Peanut Butter Crunch Blizzard, which had peanut butter mixed and these little tiny crunchy things that were probably made of uranium but were DELICIOUS all the same. I used to order that and get Butterfingers mixed in, and now they I can’t find the Peanut Butter Crunch Blizzard anymore and it makes me so sad. I could write a whole douchey Dave Eggers-style memoir about it. THAT WAS THE CRUNCH OF MY CHILDHOOD.
I love you, Dairy Queen. I hope you’ve stocked up on pulverized Heath bits for next week, because I’m coming for you. And I’m not taking no for an answer.
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I don’t even like sweets all that much, but I’d shiv a man in the eye for the vastly underrated banana split blizzard.
I would kill a man for a S’more Galore right now. Thank you, Drew, for inciting a raging desire for murdercide within me.
You’ll always have a place at the Dairy Queen.
Chocolate dipped cone all day all the way.
/menu food is just average
//but my god the cream THE CREAM
All you have to do is go to Rochester, MN apparently.
[www.dqnorthside.com]
I would gladly give a rimmer to Greg Giraldo if it meant I could use an Oreo/PB Cup Blizzard as a chaser.
I applaud your taste BDD…Blizzard’s rule.
and their new TV campaign also rules. It’s like the Old Spice guy on mushies.
Remember the Strawberry CheeseQuake blizzard? I owe my robust physique to those cups of triple bleached gelatinous goo.
Name five things tastier then an M & M blizzard. In my opinion, you can’t.
Rolos or not, McFlurrys can suck it. About as adequate a substitute for a Blizzard as that sad Southern chicken sandwich is for Chik-Fil-A.
Underrated/underknown: DQ’s burgers. Nicely charred.
My hometown has two Dairy Queens. One was the original Dairy Queen/Brazier with the fucked up drive-thru because when they built it, it was a pull-up restaurant and then they expanded it to add a dining room, thus leaving no room for a drive-thru so they FUCKING MADE ONE AND YOU BETTER REPRESENT. It is a true test of driving skills, that drive-thru. But I digress.
About five years ago, they put a new Dairy Queen in on the other side of town, and it was one of the new prefab DQs. Frozen burgers and fries heated up in the microwave, limited Blizzard/ice cream selections, TOTAL BULLSHIT. A scam DQ. It was ignored, because why we HAD a kick-ass DQ! One where the owners didn’t kowtow to the MAN and made their OWN menu, like fried pork loin sandwiches. You could tell them exactly what toppings you wanted in their Blizzard and they DID IT, no questions asked! It was heaven.
Then last year, I went to see my parents and I wanted a fried pork loin sandwich, as you do, so stopped by Dairy Queen. AND IT WAS THE SAME PRE-FAB SHIT AS THE OTHER DQ. I said, “When did this happen, and the girl said the old owners had sold it, and the new owners were forced to go by DQ HQ’s rules.
Sad day, I tell you. SAD DAY.
Oh, and some places will make you a “chocolate chip” blizzard. They use the chocolate from the dipped cones, and it sticks to the side and omg the bliss.
I need to steal the Ferran Adria Hadron Collider kitchen doomsday devices to make a perfect banana split Blizzard infused with Flor De Caña dark rum. Just so I could have a pretentious, unnecessary and simultaneously tacky fat kid extravagance.
Next time your at a DQ, get a Brownie Fudge Delight. It’s usually not on the menu, but only because they’d be overrun 24/7.
There ain’t nuttin better than eatin a DQ cone settin on the porch of ma doublewide!
Thin. Mint. Blizzard. If I’m feeling particularly reckless, I’ll get that shit with chocolate ice cream. Now, excuse me while I kiss the sky.
There used to be a DQ 15 minutes from my office. Now it’s a bank. All the more reason why I curse America, replacing such a fine establishment of gluttony and happiness with ANOTHER FUCKING BANK GAAAAAHHHHHH. Because we need more of them because we’re all brimming at the gills with money to deposit.
My hometown had a non-Brazier DQ that only had windows you could walk up to, no going in. Also, they only hired high school girls to work there so plenty of T.H.O in that small little buidling.
You lucky SOB. There are no DQs in Long Island (where I’m from) or Brooklyn (where I live) or Manhattan (where I work). I have to make do with Friendly’s. Friendly’ses’s’ are fucking Ozzie Canseco to DQ.
/Simmons’d
Yeah, but Dilly Bars are awful.
Never had a DQ
Sucks to be Northern Irish – except that we’re awesome at golf and we’ve got proper riots in Belfast atm (seriously, look it up).
Promise I’ll get one next time I’m in the U.S.
Nothing against the Blizzard, but my fave from DQ was always the footlong chili dog. And that chocolate dip cone.
DQ and Sonic are battling it out for supremacy down here (Texas) and Sonic appears to be winning. Not sure why.
It was 1985. I saw the commercial on TV and damn near barfed all over my baja shirt with excitement.
Funny you put it that way, Drew, because the first time I ever had a Blizzard was on a family trip in 1985, when we stopped at a DQ somewhere in Bumfuck, Indiana. All of us, except my Dad, got Blizzards. And all of us, except my Dad, got an unbelievable case of food poisoning.
We barfed everywhere. But there was no excitement.
I work across the street from a DQ, some of the guys I work with go there so much that everyone at our job gets 10% off
Anyway, Peanut Buster Parfait or GTFO.
I remember when I was a kid. And to this day… HOT FUDGE. HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO THAT? HOW THE FUCK DOES IT WORK?
@slash – We are eat up with Sonic’s here too (Arkansas.) In fact, I know of only two DQs in the whole state. My feeling is that DQ needs to step up with their own cherry limeade.
There’s a Dairy Queen in the opening credits of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It taunts me.
They keep closing every one around here. (seattle) :(
Great work on flipping the script. (Do the kids still say that? Did they ever?)
PK tribute flavor: The Lofty – melted kit kats, coffee beans, 40% grit. A LEGIT 40.
@Zac-The one in my hometown of W St Paul MN was the exact same way, only windows and allll high school girls,
Even worse than never having a Blizzard before? Having tried it’s goodness (in 1998) but not being able to get another one because there’s no DQ in Germany…
Re : the Sonic thing. This is America, laziness will trump taste any day of the week. People will slobber up the worst shit on the planet if they don’t have to get out of their car, and that’s Sonic’s gimmick. Brilliant, really.
And goddamn do I want a PB Cup Blizzard right now. I’ve lost 20+ pounds over the past 6 months, and I’d happily throw that diet to the dogs for a 1500-calorie blizzard.
DQ is alive and well here in Wilmington NC and in NC overall. My all time fast food favorite, however, is the A&W root beer float. Not many of those places left. A nice one in Lake George NY right as you come into town…. There was one in Northfield MN where I went to college in the early ’70′s and I recovered from my kegger hangovers there every Sunday when there wasn;t a REAL blizzard (which was often)…..
@Otto – Was it the one billed as the “world’s largest” DQ? I’m not sure if it’s even open anymore, but I know there were like, 4 or 5 health violation busts at that one over the years. I remember that, unsurprisingly, every guy who worked there looked like Axl Rose circa Appetite for Destruction.
@Lisa – The DQ nearest my parents’ house has a king-sized tenderloin that’s literally 3 times the size of the bun. They say it’s meant to serve 4, but we ARE Fat Humps, after all, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen one shared by more than 2 people.
@Slash – I agree, the chocolate-dipped cone is a classic.
DQ is but a shadow of the greatness that is Ted Drewe’s in STL. Their frozen custard is the thicker, creamier, bigger dicked big brother of DQ soft serve. Plus, they have 30-40 toppings they let you mix and match to truly satisfy your inner fat kid.
DQ forever.
Sadly the closest DQ to me is about 40 miles from where I live, but when driving by one Heath Bar blizzard please.
Also, fuck that imposter the Mc Flurry that Mc Donald’s sells.
I haven’t been to DQ in twenty years, but I loved going to the one by my house because … my friend’s dad was the owner.
He used to bring out the blizzards and you know how they used to hold them upside down to show how thick or whatever the blizzard was supposed to be? Yeah, he’d wait and hold them over our heads.
Good times. Good times.
My Dairy Queef heroin is the caramel waffle cone Blizzard. It is like an ice cream cone shoved into more ice cream and then mixed the fuck up with some caramel. Great, now I have to have one. And masturbate.
I would let a dirty hobo fuck me in the mouth for a Brownie Batter Blizzard. Brownie bits, brownie batter, caramel, and walnuts? If they brought it back? I’d let him finish.
It’s a well-known documented goddamn fact that the best DQs in the world are in the middle of nowhere. They make their own menus and have withstood the ravages of time. Examples:
-They’re happy to give you a cherry- or butterscotch-dipped cone
-You can enjoy items that they got from Beulah up the road, not DQ corporate
-If you walk in and say, “I want a Mr. Misty”, they know exactly what you’re talking about and will serve it up, probably with Codeine cough syrup like the old ones.
-Some still allow smoking.
-They still mix Blizzards with the blood of the innocent.
The bummer part is that most also still observe Segregation.
Drew : Blizzards :: PK : coffee
Discuss.
Peanut Buster Parfait, motherfuckers….
but I do love me a Blizzard.
I would stick my dick in a Butterfinger Blizzard if it were socially acceptable.
*******************************************************************************************
I think it’ like sex / apple pie, it’s ok to do in private.
Fuck, I’m getting a Blizzard tonight.
/5 minutes from my house
//everywhere in MA
///suck it, fuckos
[web.mac.com]
MAKE YO OWN PORK LOIN SAMMICH BITCHES.
/still miss DQ’s
//my arteries are pinhole-sized
As someone who lives in the Hell on Earth that is Suffolk County, Long Island, there are no DQs anywhere near me. However, when I was dating a girl in Michigan, she had a DQ not five minutes from her house. I think I was more excited to visit that than I was her. Oh, that sweet tantalizing crunch of a Mint Oreo Blizzard. asdfgasd
love it, drew.
had a DQ in central ma, where i grew up, and now one in southern (western?) maine. just down the road from our little league fields so my team can hit it right after one of our many wins. kids can’t get enough blizzards, and they’re thin from my wife’s side so we can stop by with only fat me catching hell from my wife for being regs.
did this just become a humblebrag? you bet it did.
happy vaca, bubba. good luck sticking it in after the kids go down. propose you 2 use that tiny motel room patio/deck for some nearly-old-folks, dark, clothed, retro action.
…and vanilla heath blizzard ftw.
If we may still dole out fuck you’s this week: Fuck you, 16-year-old, never-received-a-C-in-my-life Dairy Queen worker if you turn around with my Reese’s PB Cup Blizzard and do not have at least 3/4 of a full Reese’s cup on top of it.
And now a DQ secret for those who are not in the know: Certain stores, at least the one I grew up next to, have a “grab bag.” It is comprised solely of the mistakes that the worker’s make during the day and have not thrown out. Sometimes, you can get four serviceable ice creams in one bag for a discounted price. Just ask at the drive-up and the worst case scenario is that you look like a dipshit to a bunch of sixteen and seventeen year olds. WORTH IT.
I just moved back to my old hometown after 20 years and went straight to DQ. I got a burger (yum!) and a vanila/chocolate swirl cone with chocolate covering. What I miss are the Misty freezes or whatever the shit they were. My and my cousin used to gorge on them in the 70′s. DQ fucking rules.
DQs all over the place, both where I live (western PA – cause Steelers fans are fat, too) and where I work (Connecticut). There are literally four DQs in the town where my ex-wife and daughter live (two with walk-up windows and picnic tables only and two with dining rooms), and 8 within easy driving distance.
And seriously? Fuck that weak-ass strawberry cheesequake shit that’s available year-round. Give me the BLUEBERRY CHEESEQUAKE that’s always limited time – are blueberries really that much harder to find than strawberries in western PA in the winter time? FUCK NO THEY AREN’T. Gimme that sweet, sweet blueberry goodness all year, you soulless corporate bastards.
And seriously, no one could’ve told me before today that it’s *NOT* socially acceptable to stick my dick in a Butterfinger Blizzard?
…no wonder people are always looking at me funny…
@Bednarikrules – If you tell them what a Misty is, they’ll make it for you. And it’s really cheap. The DQ I go to gives me a medium cup of ice for free, and just charges 25 cents for each squirt of syrup.
I know we’re supposed to be talking about sweet, sweet ice cream but I gotta call bullshit on MexicanJesus for claiming that Suffolk County NY is “hell on earth.” I guess if you really hate gays and are manacled to the capstan of the Fire Island ferry it might not be fun for you, but by any other measure it’s on the short list of best places to live in the country. It’s affluent, it has beaches, crime is low, and it’s the home of the Barefoot Contessa for chrissake. I’m not even from New York, but come on, we have standards in the kommentariat. And no, being populated by fans of New York or Boston teams is not grounds for being described as “hell.”
@PRFS – Brownie Batter Blizzard, it’s the Blizzard of the Month up here in Minny! I’ll be getting one shortly.
Jack Kemp, you’re friggin humorless and boring huh? In that case, good name choice.
what’s next? “Also, Drew, those crunchy bits were not made of uranium. Uranium is radioactive and small bits of wafer cannot create Godzilla. Therefore, ergo, hence, I call bullshit on your Little Crunchy Things theory .”
The guy just said there aren’t any DQs in Suffolk. He’s right.
Haven’t had a DQ since I left the Quad Cities back in 1981 – pre-blizzard. Here in L.A. ain’t got no DQ and ain’t got no Sonic. Got In and Out. Got mashed potato.
Goddamn I do love a good pork tenderloin sandwich though.
My uncle OWNED the Dairy Queen in our town and I worked there from age 13-16.
Employee discount on Blizzards, sneaking whip-its in the cooler and playing grab-ass in the drive-thru. Beat that suckers.
Clearly Jack Kemp’s Hair Part Files has never actually visited Suffolk County. Any place nice on Lawngeyelund is too exclusive to have the likes of you stinking it up, and the rest of it is filled with people to goddamn obsessed with being “in the city” to realize that just because it has an Olive Garden doesn’t mean it’s not an over-priced, spit-shined ghetto.
I live in New Jersey and I wouldn’t move to Suffolk County, fer chrissakes.
Mint Oreo Blizzard Bitches!!!!!!
Should we be expecting a guest appearance from Footsteps Falco? Is it more than coincidence that PK and BDD are going on vacation at the same? Inquiring and/or bored minds want to know.
I so miss DQ. Since I grew up in the middle of nowhere in NH, we did the annual school shopping trip in the “big town” of North Conway. There was a DQ there. I would have a Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard on the way into town and another on the way out. Glorious. Just glorious.
/the Friendly’s mix-in thing is better than a McFlurry, but neither hold a candle to a Blizzard.
@Otto and Hawkins, damn you guys. now i’m gonna drive to every last DQ around to find a PBP.
I just so happened to have managed an ice cream store in high school (across the street was DQ) and I will never complain about working like a dog while “those 16 and 17 yr ‘never had a C in my life’ cheerleaders” were bending over into the dipping cabinets. “Thats what I love about high school girls, I get older, they stay the same age.”
DQ good, Kohr Brothers GREAT.
/Jersey Shore represent
@Palmer’s Agent: its only socially unacceptable in WV b/c they would prefer animals.
@Buzzsaw: couldn’t agree more, but I did prefer playin grabass with those “cheerleaders” in the basement rather than the drive-thru.
@ PP Punk
They may have it as a feature every now and then, it just never is when I stop there, but you saying that, gives me hope again.
“Hello? Yeah, I won’t be coming into work tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because…uh…FUCK YOU!”
/hangs up phone
//tells hobo to zip up pants
///drives to Minny
In 1994, I spent a week in a hospital in a very small Texas town, waiting for my grandfather to die. The only food to be had was the Dairy Queen across the street.
You’d think the sad experience would have soured me on the chain, but it didn’t. Had a reese’s pieces blizzard on Sunday. It was wonderful.
Fuck…. there is no Dairy Queen here. Fuck fuck fuck.
Love me some DQ, but gotta go with Kline’s. Not only is the ice cream the tits, but it’s also where John Bobbitt’s penis was found, so it’s an historical landmark too.
I would stab my own grandmother in the heart for a Snickers Blizzard right now.
My wife recently introduced me to the German Chocolate Blizzard. Reason #2,573 she is awesome.
Do they still make the Mr. Misty? If they do, I’ll take a Blue Raspberry, which is the best artificial flavor ever created by man.
Holy fuck DQ has an iphone locator app
I live in New Jersey and I wouldn’t move to Suffolk County, fer chrissakes.
Amen to that.
Listen, I’ve traveled from New York to countless places, near and far, for the weddings of friends and family. Everywhere from long trips to San Francisco or even the Italian countryside, to nearer flights to Austin and Chicago, to places we could drive to like D.C., Philly, Buffalo, and Toronto.
The two weddings on Long Island? Yeah, I’ll be sending my “regrets” card and a lovely gift out to your godawful suburban wasteland because, unlike me, they won’t mind being stuck in traffic on the L.I.E. for four fucking hours, each way, just to wind up in Bergen County with a Beach.
DQ is delicious on so many levels, I can’t even describe it. I agree with the statement that the best ones are in the middle of nowhere, and @Enrico – fuck that noise. Dilly bars are goddamned delicious and I will beat you to death with my Blizzard spoon straw for saying otherwise.
Why would anyone order a Blizzard when the Peanut Buster Parfait is the most perfect thing on the menu?
/No DQ’s in LA
DQ is the bee’s knees, growing up if I didn’t have a DQ ice cream cake for my birthday all hell was going break lose, all other ice cream cakes pale in comparsion.
I even worked at a DQ in high school just so I can learn how to make Blizzards and because I needed some money.
1.q. Most under-rated DQ item is the texas toast that comes with the tenders basket.
324. Favorite blizzard is Oreo Mint w/ Chocolate Ice Cream, sweet yet refreshing…
Yes, yes, yes! Peanut Buster Parfait!
Pumpkin pie is the Blizzard of the Month in October and November. I just came thinking about it.
Also, any of the Girl Scout Cookie ones. Fuck yeah.
When I was a kid dad and I would make the drive from San Antonio, TX to Norman, OK a few times a year to attend Sooners football games. I can remember making as many as five DQ stops on one trip. Most of the DQs in OK are now Sonics but TX still has a lot of Queens.
One more time. Peanut Buster Parfait.
The DQ Brazier in my neighborhood when I was a kid had a strict hiring policy: cute high school girls work up front, retarded males work in the back. You learned fast not to order any hot food there.
Also, I am pro-Dilly Bar. The red one (cherry “flavor”?) was the best.
“Do they still make the Mr. Misty? If they do, I’ll take a Blue Raspberry, which is the best artificial flavor ever created by man.”
Mixed with some cheap vodka, it’s the ultimate panty-dropper for the cute girl working at Register 3.
I’m glad to see the Peanut Buster Parfait has a big following here.
I’ll also get on the Dilly Bar bandwagon. My grandpa always had a freezer full of those things. Deeeeelicious.
Long Island is the only place on earth that you have to DRIVE THROUGH NEW YORK CITY to get to. Case closed.
There is no Dairy Queen in Peru and I forgot to get some on my last trip to the USA. I now haz sad.
GOD DAMN YOU ALL I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT. =(
How can anyone say there are no DQs in LA???? Where the hell do you people live? I know at least three within 5 miles of downtown LA. If y’all meant Louisiana, never mind…
@ yeah right – There is also a Sonic in Monrovia, which is about ten miles east of downtown L.A. I’ve seen others too.
Beachwood Canyon. The closest DQ is a Dairy Queen/Orange Julius hybrid located in the Burbank Mall. Doesn’t count.
Back in the ’70s I was dating a woman who loved DQ. I found they had the best burgers EVER for FF. They still make meat at DQ?
…dick in a Butterfinger Blizzard…
If it’s done in the privacy of ones’ home, no harm, no foul.
It’s Lawn_guy_land, Jersey Moron.
I live in the south bay in L.A. San Pedro and have been here since 1992 and I’ve never seen shit. I don’t really care about the Sonic but we don’t have a DQ.
For the record I took my grand daughter to Baskin Robbins today. First ice cream I’ve had in probably 2 years. Fuck, that pralines and cream is tasty.
As great as DQ is, and it is great, when I was a kid growing up in NJ, the special treat was getting my Dad to drive to the Magic Fountain for ice cream. It was in a ‘rough’ [coughblackcough] neighborhood and always had a crowd of ruffians hanging out in front, which is why we always need to convince dad to go there, but god damn it those root beer floats were the greatest food items on god’s green earth.
@ yeah right – There’s supposedly a DQ on Hawthorne Blvd in Redondo.
@ TheStarterWife – Your best bet is either Central LA by USC or East LA. Yes, not the best areas, but they are there.
@ yeah right – Just double checked the address. It’s in the South Bay shopping mall. Apparently most of the DQs in LA are in malls. They may not serve food and not count as TheStarterWife says, but there’s Blizzards and Dillys aplenty!
@Jerome Simpson – I’m lactose intolerant too. You just have to eat your Blizzards when you know you’re going to be around people you don’t like.
Did you know that you can get your dip cones in butterscotch instead of chocolate?
If we are reminiscing on DQs, the one nearest my home lost it’s franchise because the owner was selling government food (cheese, soyburgers, etc…) instead of distributing it to schools and poor people like he was contracted to do. He was also morbidly obese. He then changed the name to “Dairy Barn”. Even at my young age I knew I should have taken an ideological stand against that fuckko, but I loved his “Cyclones” (or whatever IP-avoiding name he came up with).
/My first job was at the new, real DQ. Best job I ever had.
@Balls of Steel: Got it. That’s in The Galleria. Dated a girl many years ago who used to work in that mall. It’s right across from Guitar Center. Next to the Red Robin. She sold me a mens suit and a blow job.
Still have the suit.
Most positive post in KSK history…. EVAH…
Tons of DQ’s here in TX, but they don’t have chocolate soft-serve… so when I got back to CT to visit family, I’ll get a medium chocolate cone almost every day…
@Balls: That’s some solid research on our behalves.
Thanks for that.
Give the people the blizzard!
@ yeah right – Nice touch mentioning you still have the suit. Ha ha! Enjoy the DQ! (Although BR is good too!)
Goddamn, I love me some DQ. I worked at one in high school for a year or so, and it was great. During the summer, I’d start out my morning with a coffee where I’d fill the cup 1/3 of the way with soft serve, throw in two pumps of chocolate and some sugar, and I’d be awake for the next 3 days.
There isn’t a thing at DQ that isn’t tasty. The desserts, the burgers, the fries, the chicken; it’s all fantastic. Definitely my favorite fast food chain.
And fuck a bunch of Twisted Frosties and McFlurries. Watered-down gritty bullshit is all those are. Blizzards are where it’s at.
Oh, and get a hot fudge shake. Way better than just a chocolate shake, and the chocolate shake is already degoddamnlicious.
Yeah, fuck you MexicanJesus. As a proud Suffolk Countier myself, lacking DQ sucks, but you’re a fucking idiot if you’d rather live just about anywhere else.
On focus: Oreo Earthquake Brownie Blizzard, for the motherfucking win.
Heath Bar cappucino blizzard for the win, and pretty much all of the DQs here in Da Buff are only Ice Cream with windows and HS girls
I think Artie Lange must not have been doing his cocaine correctly. If only it wasn’t so expensive, didn’t rot out your septum, and didn’t produce the “morning after effects.” Cause holy shit, that first five minutes fucking ruled.
Oh Slash, my dearest Slash…surely we’ve met before, perhaps in another life? Anytime I go to San Marcos I go by the old-school DQ near Hwy35 (if I haven’t already stopped at the one in Luling) and order the following: foot-long chili dog (meal) and a chocolate dipped cone. Or if I’m feeling particularly frisky I might get the strawberry cheesecake blizzard. Diabetes be damned.
Blizzardnerdness: Can’t wait to try that new triple-soy-latte kit-kat blizzard at the new DQ in Trieste, Italy.
The day last year when the Dairy Queen truck came to 23rd and 5th bestowing us with free butterfinger blizzards was one of the best days of my life. New York needs to get with the program and have some blizzard permanence!
When my wife and I first started dating she was driving us down to Rehoboth Beach in her VW Rabbit on Route 13 (this was, like, 1979 way before they built the Delaware Turnpike) when she spotted a DQ. She immediately executed a sharp right turn and a perfect landing in a parking spot. Right then and there I thought to myself “this one’s a keeper”.
You sound like a fat little bitch, Drew.
/kicks blizzard cups under desk
I am surprised that my “…but Texas still has a lot of Queens.” quip didn’t get some push-back.
I must be losing my touch.
Keep tweetin’ your weight over vacation, Drew.
New revised MIDEAST Peace Plans:
A. Offer free DQ novelties to all inhabitants of the region. Regardless of race/religion/background/nationality anyone who refuses to enjoy this simple western decadent treat will be identified, and marked as unworthy. These people will be summarily removed, sterilized, and allowed to live out their hate filled days, praying their hateful prayers to the deity of their choosing in detention centers. With agitators on both sides out of the way the region should flourish within a generation.
B. Indiscriminate thermo nuclear bombing.
Plan B is faster, but Plan A appeals to my sense of justice and hot fudge.
Wisconsin and Indiana both have ” Culvers” advertising Butterburgers and Cream shakes. Holy shit snacks it’s no wonder people up here are huge.
We used to have two DQ’s in town, now we have one (The other is some mongrel thing called The Dairy Inn). The DQ has no food other than ice cream, The seating are is outside, and there is usually a line of 20-30 people waiting at the windows for service. They do so much business they need not accept coupons. They used to close for the winter, not they close about two months but open when it is still fairly cold, and people still line up. It is there that my personal blizzard is made Mint / Raw Cookie Dough. A friend who has worked there from years calls it nasty, and says I am the only one who ever orders it, except for my wife or a coworker picking it up for me. If I have to go non blizzard for any reason, it is a vanilla cone dipped in butterscotch.
Couldn’t disagree more on the Blizzard. I live in NY, so my experience is admittedly limited (no idea about the food), but have been to a few different DQs along the routes of regular trips to PA, CT, and NJ. GF insists on stopping, she loves it. The mint oreo sucked, had green liquid leaking out, not even mixed properly. Tried a peanut butter something, chalky, nasty PB in a bland white paste. Tried again on other trips, still sucked. No more. Next time, we’ll stop for her, I’ll find somewhere else.
I am, and will forever be a flag-waivng constituent of DQ Kingdom. However, After spending a year at Campbell University (Home of the Fighting Camels, this shit can’t be made up) I discovered “Cookout”. Holy hell! their “milkshakes” are so thick a gay man suck it up with a garden hose, let alone a straw. and they have 30 toppings of which you can have ANY COMBINATION! I feel like I’m cheating, I know it’s wrong, but it tastes so good.