Jared Fogle’s Ndamukong Suh, 2010 mixed meatia sculpture.

I have returned from vacation ripe with inspiration. After spending countless hours strolling through museums I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to commission a portrait of myself. Back in the Renaissance everyone had them. Well, everyone who was a Medici, at least. And those guys were probably assholes. Surely the rest of us deserve such luxuries.

This week you’ll be drafting both an artist, and a medium for your own artistic masterpiece. With the first pick, I’m going with a colossal statue carved in gold by Michelangelo. Because I’m classy as fuck.