Well well well, if it isn’t Tom Brady in a gingham suit (or seersucker, you can fight about it in the comments) and a wide-brimmed hat at the Kentucky Derby this weekend. PLUS stubble and Wayfarers and uncut hair? Why, he’s equal parts southern gentleman and urban hipster. He’s practically inviting us to judge his appearance — but don’t YOU fall into that trap. He’s just being Tom Brady: Troll Genius. When Brady wasn’t making fashion statements you hated this weekend, he was busy doing the following:

  • Asking attractive southern belles if they’d gained weight.
  • Bad-mouthing Robert E. Lee.
  • “This is almost as exciting as a Big Ten football game!”
  • Going up to Animal Kingdom after the race and saying, “Nice shoes, asshole.”
  • Placing a thousand-dollar bet on every horse, because parading a winning ticket around is more gratifying than the money.
  • “Louisville Slugger museum? Dude, you know they make aluminum bats now, right?”
  • Telling football fans that he “totally gets” where NFL owners are coming from.
  • “This is nothing. Last year Gisele and I attended the Dubai World Cup as personal guests of Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan.”
  • Punching horses.
  • Swerving on 31W to bait cops into pulling him over for DUI, then passing the Breathalyzer.
  • Parking his car on the grass in front of the hotel. “What? I thought that’s what you do here.”
  • Declining mint juleps by saying, “No thanks, I’m a scotch man.”
  • Holding hands with a black woman.
  • Holding hands with a man.
  • “Seersucker? More like queersucker.”