
It’s a well-established principle that every hero should have his own theme music, but what about us average bears who spend our days in adversity-free anonymity? Who’s gonna play us down to the copy machine? To the bar? To the men’s room in a hastened panic? Could imagine scrambling to the can while holding in a deuce the day after Taco Night as March Of The Valkyries plays over the PA? That would be the highlight of your week.
But how would YOU score your own daily routine? Better yet, WHO would you hire to score it for you? If you had to pick one recording artist to lay down the soundtrack of your life from this day forward, who would it be? It could be a soloist, a group, or even a classical composer with a 60-odd piece orchestra in tow.
So pick someone, wait ten picks, and pick someone else. I’m kicking this off with Jack White. I’d be fine with the bassline from “Seven Nation Army” leading me into whatever room I would enter. Now you try.



We’re into the FA period and no selected GWAR? For shame, for shame. I’m also signingJanet Jackson, Madonna, and Lada Gaga for “unexpecteed wardrobe malfunctions” and GG Allin.
Three days late and I take Thin Lizzy. I know no one cares at this point. Respect.
M.O.P.
Doesn’t matter what song as long as they’re shouting at the top of they’re lungs.
The Mars Volta – I won’t know what the hell they’re on about, but it will sound awesome.
LCD Soundsystem.
How the fuck did they drop this fucking far?
The Kinks. I can’t believe My Morning Jacket went before the fucking Kinks. “You’ve Really Got Me.” “Lola.” “All Day and all of the Night.” Late round HOF. Fuck Tom Brady. I just found myself a Roger Staubach
Primus…and spend the rest of my life trying to meet a girl named Wynonna.
Shellac.
Kling-klang!
TRUE 6th round steal..
Buckethead. Walking around all day with a creepy dude wearing a chicken bucket on his head, playing music most mortal men cannot comprehend.
6th round steal………system of a down …….fuck tom brady his wife is a tranny
I will take Earth Wind & Fire and the remaining O’Jays…
The B-52s, to remind me not to take everything seriously, especially if I can have the young Cindy Wilson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-qpGKi2Bsc&feature=related
Anthony Bourdain
Late to the party, but I will take Morphine for “Buena” and “Thursday” especially.
Also, it looks like U2 is still out there so I’ll take them if for no other reason than to have the beginning of “Where the Streets Have No Name.”
I will close with Wolfmother — “The Joker and the Thief in the Night” and so many others.
Since I’m late, I’m taking 3 picks:
1) Boston
2) The Temptations
3) Whatever band/orchestra that plays the soundtracks to all the old Clint Eastwood Italian Westerns.
Could you imagine walking into a bar with The Good, The Bad and The Ugly theme playing? Bitchin’.
We’re still doing this? Fine, I’ll take KRS-One, as I’m apparently the only person here who’s seen I’m Gonna Git You, Sucka!
Humpty – good catch.
@merctio I took Williams a full day before you. Sucka!
Pretty sure Van Halen, Buckcherry, Joe Satriani, Coheed and Cambria, and Tenacious D went undrafted so I’ll sign them to my practice squad.
I’ve been checking this draft every so often without making a pick and been surprised that the Band hasn’t been picked. I would have thought it would have come with the list of bands Brutus Ballsack listed – especially with Bob Dylan mentioned – but no.
So with my first pick is the Band.
I’m pretty sure this is what you were after Punter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2lDcvtGl2I
Great concept. Thanks for the weekend!
I’ll make a big play here and go Geto Boys- not only because they’re phenomenal, but I’ll also feel like I’m in Office Space.
We at the free agent stage? Going to go with a dubstep line and snatch Skrillex, Noisia, Rusko, and Datsik. Also going to grab the great Martin O’Donnell.
Okay, then, I’m taking all the 60′s and 70′s rock and roll bands not picked. The Animals, Blue Cheer, CSN&Y, Procol Harem, Moody Blues, Derek and The Dominos, Average White Band, Doobie Brothers, Credence Clearwater, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, The Byrds, The Doors, Sam the Sham and The Pharoahs, Velvet Underground. Who wants the sucky 80″s?
In this late round when nobody’s paying attention, I’m taking every Motown act that has gone unsigned in this draft to provide my personal soundtrack. The Funk Brothers alone are a steal. Smokey, The Temptations, The Four Tops, Edwin Starr and The Commodores are my undrafted free agents. Edwin Starr “25 Miles”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKIjt765ANM
Blind Melon, assuming we can reincarnate Shannon Hoon. No Rain, Paper Scratcher, Change, and Holyman please.
My Morning Jacket. Everything I did would seem so epic
Duke Silver
I will rule with the 50 year old ladies
The correct answer was The Pogues.
310 draft picks and I have to come in here to draft Ronnie James Motherfuckin’ Dio? (btw that is his full Christian name).
Having Dio following you around and providing your soundtrack would demand a change in your life. You couldn’t just have a dog as a pet. You’d need to have a wolf (preferably a pack of wolves). You wouldn’t pay with paper money or credit card — you’d carry bags of gold around. All those Bud Lite bartenders would henceforth be referred to as “wenches.” You’d have to use words like henceforth in your every day speech.
And yes, you’d have to own a tiger. And yes, you would have to ride it.
Roy Teppert. All day everyday.
George Michael – i would have George follow me around to hair salons, day spas and playgrounds all day long. I’d stay up 24 hours to take advantage of the day. I’m pretty sure with George’s sexy voice prepping the ladies I could get laid every 18 minutes, 3.3333 times an hour, 79.9999 times in that one day. And the best part is that George wouldn’t be fighting me for the ladies.
C’mon, admit it, it’s a beautiful plan.
Pearl Jam. The guitar riffs on ‘Go’ are the tits. McCready in general is the tits…
Pantera. What’s good enouh for Rob Van Damm is good enough for me.
Alice in Chains. Killer is Me, folks.
Keenan & Kel singing “I’m a Dude” from Dude Burger. Duh.
Michael Jackson is still on the board? Really? CRTL+F found nada….
Thriller and Smooth Criminal for me….
This is one of the other 7 greatest videos ever.
So I have to do all of the heavy lifting? A little bench help would be nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED-fGndZx7U
Boingo!
Jack White > Dan Auerbach. Sorry. Love ‘em both, though
Holy shit, the Beatles were hiding in plain sight. Beck, Spoon, and Danny Elfman taken? I’ll take Smashing Pumpkins for my first pick. And since it’s the middle of the night, I”m taking the Pixies, too.
Annnd my final draft board:
1. Trail of Dead
2. James Brown
3. Ron Artest
4. Clint Mansell (who composed this ditty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKLpJtvzlEI )
Clint Mansell.
AND YOU SHALL BE MY JOE MONTANA, AND I SHALL BE YOUR JERRY RICE
Placebo – The Crawl, Suede’s Down, or Tea Party’s A Certain Slant of Light.
Pantera. Vulgar Display of Power has material suitable for almost all room-entering scenarios.
With Hans Zimmer and John Williams off the board, I’m taking Steve Jablonsky.
For those of you that don’t know Steve Jablonsky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H0JDomv8ac
I’M SORRY. I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY AWESOME THEME MUSIC.
For my one and only draft pick, I’m taking Jerry Garcia, and he might as well bring along the rest of the Grateful Dead. I win the draft.
The Zevon pick was inspired. Picking Williams for the fifth time, not so much.
John fucking Williams. If It’s been taken I’m kicking whoever took it in the balls.
Massive Attack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys5NWmyS3MA
You guys suck. Why? Because Incubus is still available. Well not anymore!
New Skin baby!
If Stevie Wonder was following you around he’d be running into everything.
If it were more fitting for me, it would be Marlon Brando just saying the lyrics to Row, Row Your Boat over and over. But that same sorta thing is what is in my head anyway…..
or Guns N Roses…either way I’m winning!!!!! No Sheen.
Stevie Wonder aka the One Man Band…game set match…bitches
Spatula- that was exactly who I going to get next. Great pick.
Muse
And I’m done
Wow, except for the guy right ahead of me whose comment I didn’t read. Fuck.
I cannot fucking believe no one’s picked Sexy Sax Man Sergio Flores yet. The only possible downside would be getting crushed under the mountain of panties that would get thrown at you.
C’mon…
It’s gotta be that Sexy Saxophone Guy from the youtube clips, right?
Spatula- nicely done
I’ll take Ween, cause when I walk into a room you better believe it’s about to get weird.
Warren Zevon, especially “Play It All Night Long.” As he says, “There ain’t much to country life/Sweat, piss, jiz, and blood.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X4VwBYfNiw
@e.p. But then you’d have to put up with John McCrea being a douchetool between songs.
Tom Petty
Anyone picked Herb Alpert? “Spanish Flea” would be the perfect soundtrack to my capering.
With my second pick I’m taking Beethoven. Nothing like walking around dressed like Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange scaring the shit out of people to the sounds of a little Ludwig Van.
Since I can’t take the whole Clan (and be ‘nuthin ta fuck with’) I will go with ODB and ‘OH BABY I like it raw!’
The Beatles. And that is a steal.
Ben Folds, BUT, he is only allowed to play covers of profanity riddled rap songs a la “Bitches Aint Shit”
first and final pick: girl talk.
i just won the draft.
I have to go with Maxwell Murder by Rancid. Especially if it would play right as I got into the office. You get that feedback part in the beginning and everyone would look at the door like something was going to happen. Plus the lyrics would make my clerical job seem a lot cooler.
@Zack. Ow!
@ Gino: That is one of the 7 greatest videos ever made.
I feel compelled to select an undrafted or two.
I’ll take Slayer for a strong locker room presence. I just won’t visit the Museum of Tolerance that week.
I’m also taking a project with Adrian Belew and working on a trade with DrQuuxum where I get Robert Fripp in exchange for a first rounder in next weeks draft. That would get me half way to King Crimson. Besides, Adrian Belew can play the shit out of a guitar.
Jay-Z Can’t Knock the Hustle
Childish Gambino… You can’t beat rap music with a live band. Plus, it would involve me hanging out with Donald Glover. Pretty awesome value right there.
Soundgarden still out there?
Anything Chris Cornell is cool with me.
I’ll take the band Jack White is holding up in the photo: The Stooges… “Search and Destroy” would ensure people will respect my authority…
The guitar riff at the start of Sonic Youth’s “Silver Rocket” would be a great way to announce my presence with authority
So multiple choice is acceptable? If so I call dibs on the DJ Premier/RZA,/Pete Rock trio.
Tom Brady selects Rebecca Black.