By now you’ve probably seen the ESPN segment in which Tom Brady cries while recounting the story of being drafted in the sixth round in 2000 (video below, also at Deadspin). It’s anyone’s guess whether this is a genuinely emotional moment or part of super-troll master plan, but it’s certainly not an isolated case of tears. In a KSK EKSKLUSIVE, we’ve learned through sources that Tom Brady cries in countless scenarios:

  • The latest Japanese earthquake
  • Rory McIlroy’s back nine
  • All of the attention being paid to Peyton Manning’s twins
  • The Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA commercial
  • Watching his favorite Borders closing up shop for the last time
  • Haircuts
  • Spiders
  • Gay Penguins
  • The end of FreeDarko
  • Infomercials with fat people struggling to use antiquated exercise equipment
  • Proposed cuts to Planned Parenthood
  • Sunsets
  • Excessive corkage fees
  • Obese pets
  • American flags
  • Slow-motion replays of Wes Welker catches
  • First signs of Gisele aging
  • New York Times paywall
  • The last ten minutes of Million Dollar Baby
  • The first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan
  • Those candy-caned-looking barber poles
  • Three unopened text messages from Bridge
  • Michigan football
  • Steve Carell leaving “The Office”
  • The dentist
  • The English Patient
  • Labor negotiations
  • The lack of labor negotiations
  • Whatever the hell is going on in Libya
  • Seeing John Boehner cry
  • Super Bowl XLII

I’m sure we’ve forgotten a few. Yours in the comments.