Name: Blaine Gabbert
Position: Quarterback
School: Missourah
Potential Berman nicknames: “Plain” Blaine Gabbert, Blaine “Yo Gabba” Gabbert
Age: 21
Height: 6’5″
Weight: 234
Twitter: @BlaineGabbert (most common tweets revolve around the three f’s: food, fishing, and family)
Nicest comparison: Matt Ryan.
Meanest comparison: Tom Brady’s hairline.
Strengths: Ironing. Looking quarterbackish.
Weaknesses: Accuracy.
Relevant medical conditions: Suffers from Tony Kornheiser disease.
Interesting tidbit: Quite possibly the most quintessential American in the draft, judging from his Plixi account.
Who wants him: Tennessee
Who will take him: Arizona, or one of the five other teams drafting ahead of Tennessee who happen to need a quarterback.
What the scouts are saying: That Blaine Gabbert sure is a nice fella. I should give him my daughter’s number. And I don’t mean the ugly one.
Immediate impact: Hope.
Down the road: Congress.
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Brady’s pre or post hair transplant hairline?
Name 5 more quasi Americanish QBs with a waspy nickname who I still say vaguely resemble Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs when he is in mid-tranny transformation. You can’t. Maybe. Unless you can. Several people in the league I spoke to said it might be possible. I would tell you the name they gave me, but it’s too good to tell. I think. I think. Wait, what?
“His name is Blaine? Oh! That’s a major appliance; that’s not a name.”
I thought of making that “Pretty In Pink” Blaine reference, but was too afraid. Spanky: making a Molly Ringwold-Andrew McCarthy-John Cryer reference on an NFL site on Draft Day is a brave move. You spoke for the rest of us.
what’s the over/under on a scandal with this guy?
@UU, ah, 1999, the season Wade Fatass Phillips benched Flutie for Rob MOTHERFUCKING Johnson for the playoffs…. seriously who the fuck benches their starting quarterback for the playoffs. that’s why the Bills never went back, Curse of the Flutie
“His name is Blaine? Oh! That’s a major appliance; that’s not a name.”
Huge asset: Five Head.
He must be smart like Peyton… unless he has to take a baseline concussion test.
Blaine Gabbert’s biggest asset is his beautiful blonde hair, if Cam had hair like that he be the surefire #1 pick.
@BB, any surprise why the Bills haven’t been to the play-offs since 1999?
Billiever, UU – That is quite the impressive list you guys put together. It’s almost Millenish.
“What’s an ugly number?”
29. Nothing good ever came of something with a 29 on it.
I should give him my daughter’s number. And I don’t mean the ugly one.
What’s an ugly number?
Sorry, Ricky Stanzi is the most American qb in this draft…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZkKoLZW8g0&feature=related
Oh he gonna be a Buffalo Bill dad gummit
“Neither man has pockmarked Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett in round one”
PK’s column this morning.
You can add a fourth “F” to that list: flooding.
“Look, Smithers. Garbo is coming!”
If the Vikings draft him, he will be required by law to live in Blaine, MN.
When I read his tweets commonly involve the three f’s – I was a bit let down to not see fucking as the third, especially when tied with food and fishing. Fish all day to bring home the food and get fucked by the lady friend.
I would have listed that as a strength.
@ dm72 – I immediately think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo8CrY_ZfFk
/R.I.P.
@UU, i think Losman could’ve done better, they needed to set him up on the move more, like Plummer was in Denver. Maybin and McCargo are probably two of the biggest busts ever. They even traded up to get McCargo. WTF
@chad henne CC, don’t need Newton to be punter, our punter is our only Pro Bowler
+1 on the Yo Gabba nickname.
If the Bronco’s don’t select DL at #2 or trade down for “better value” and take “high potential but injury concerns” I’m gonna have to go Wayne Brady and choke a bitch.
Down the road: Congress.
That… That’s Heath Shuler’s music!!
/something by John Philip Sousa
@Daydream, at least those guys had a few productive years for the Bills. The other ones I mentioned, woof.
@UU don’t forget Nate Clements, Willis McGahee, Donte Whitner, and Marshawn Lynch. Clements stinks in SF, so at least Bills didn’t dump a bunch of cash into him.
Red, White & Blaine is going Broadway!
@DaydreamBilliever
But if he turns Newton into Kordell, then you fill holes at QB, kicker, running back, and wideout!
Also, you improve upstate NY’s lackluster club scene.
@Daydream, I have no doubt the Bills will use one of their first 2 picks on a QB. Maybe Ponder in the 2nd round. Their past first round draft picks the last 10 years or so have been terrible.
/looking at you JP Losman, Erik Flowers, Mike Williams, John Mc Cargo, and Aaron Maybin
//drinks copious amounts of alcohol to forget
@UU, between everyone ego-stroking Gailey (he can turn Newton into Kordell Stewart!) and past drafts (taking CJ Spiller when they had two 1000-yd backs and other needs) i can just see the Bills going full retard and taking a first round QB…. but hey, at least the new uniforms look spiffy
i’m hoping for Miller or Dareus, and solid o-lineman in the second, and McElroy, the forgotten National Champ….
PK reports that the Falcons are trying to get AJ Green or Julio Jones. Which pretty much means they’re going defense.
Maybe.
“28 seconds. New personal best!”
what they will do:
draft Cam Newton or Blaine Gabbert
@DB, shut your dirty whore mouth. If they draft either one I’m going to snap. Hoping they draft Miller.
Don’t leave out Peter King’s raging boner for him. Maybe
And this is what sticks in my head..
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__wuXEyBz-fU/SzQ-XchRzSI/AAAAAAAAAJw/e0ene3ht4tU/s400/ramones_gabba_hey.jpg
/Don’t wanna be a pinhead no more.
I hate names that begin with “bl,” they always sound like a noise you’d make while vomiting.
I agree that the wholesomeness is disconcerting. Not like, “it puts the lotion on its skin,” just…the kind of guy who likes to wear bras and panties. That kind of creepy.
“Well, before you know it, everybody, rich and poor, had to have a Blaine stool in their home!”
please please please Bills don’t take this asshole.
what they should do:
take Dareus or Miller 1st round, take OL in the second, take McElroy in 3rd
what they will do:
draft Cam Newton or Blaine Gabbert, draft a kicker in the 2nd, look at a lineman in 3rd but take a running back
/FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-
/5chan’d
“Blaine “Yo Gabba” Gabbert” is awesome and appreciated by this dad of two young children.
Co-sign that.
@UCL: Troy Aikman, Tom Brady, Bart Starr, and Joe Montana won 12 of the 13 Super Bowls they were in by somehow overcoming their incredible decision making and accuracy with those flimsy arms of theirs. Jeff George, otoh, undefeated in Super Bowls.
When I hear the name Blaine,I’m reminded of:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXf6oYafHtQ
The only people who say Missourah are prospectors in the 1830s Ozarks and politicians trying to appear more folksy. For example, Sen. Claire McCaskill ran two versions of the same ad when she ran for governor in 2002. One version of the ad aired in Kansas City and St. Louis and had her saying Missouree, while another ad aired in rural areas and had her saying Missourah.
This whole thing stems from the argument that there’s no precedent on on how to pronounce a word spelled like Missouri. However, the miscellaneous-category-on-Jeoprady-slash-smelly centerpiece with twigs and leaves is not called potpourrah.
Congress? With a lady? Not with a name like Blaine.
@ UFL, how about
Strengths / Weaknesses: “Intangibles” W – T – F over ?
I’ve always been a fan of “Yabba Gabba” Gabbert, myself.
Weaknesses: Accuracy.
It always amazes me how many top QB prospects have this listed. I would think that accuracy would be one of the top things you would look for in a quarterback. For me it would probably go:
1) Decision making
2) Accuracy
I guess that’s why I’m not a scout or GM, because I don’t jerk myself off about arm strength constantly.
On a different note, a guy this supposedly nice and good wholesome All-American has got to be hiding something. It’s just a matter of time until they find the body.
Goddamn it Blaine, you’re burning my steak!
Weakness: sharing the same first name with Andrew McCarthy’s character from “Pretty in Pink”
“Blaine “Yo Gabba” Gabbert” is awesome and appreciated by this dad of two young children.