We don’t typically bestow our pointless awards during the off-season, but sometimes extraordinary circumstances force us to action. In this case, the action of celebrating things that please us.
With that awkward preface out of the way, your Meast for this week is U.S. District Judge David Doty, who yesterday struck down an earlier, shittier court decision that would have allowed the fat, stupid asshole NFL owners to sit on a $4 billion war chest of funds acquired through questionable agreements with the television networks. While this certainly doesn’t eliminate the chance that a lockout will be imposed later this week, it does mean that the owners now actually have an incentive to get a deal done some time before next year now that their precious lockout insurance has been swept out from under them.
So you go, crusty old white guy. This next ginger snap is in your honor. After all, I can say without qualm that this towering feat of jurisprudence is more significant than Brown v. the Board of Education, Mapp v. Ohio and Loving v. Virginia combined.
That is, it would be, if only it weren’t carried out by the most impartial labor advocate on the federal bench. PK will tell you. ACTIVIST JUDGE! ACTIVIST JUDGE! ACTIVIST JUDGE!
Ruling from Judge Doty, the players’ best friend in legal history: http://bit.ly/fjvDHy
RT @MarcEdelman: Note to Media: Calling Doty pro-player is like calling a 1985 referee pro-Bear. Uneven results do not always mean bias.
But the pattern of rulings, @marcedelman, say many more have gone the way of the player. Not judging his decisions. Just stating fact.
Yes, the fact that we need to tailor the Constitution so that Goodell’s supreme executive power can no longer be undermined by the courts. NOBODY ELECTED YOU, DOTY. GOODELL WAS ELECTED BY A UNANIMOUS 32-0 TALLY BY THE OWNERS IN 2006. WITH THAT KIND OF MANDATE, HE IS FREE TO STEAMROLL THE PLAYERS UNION AT HIS WHIM!
Your Least for this week is THE NETWORKS! You goddamn enabling little shits. Despite misgivings over the NFL’s intent, each signed off on deals that would have provided the league its broadcasting money even in the event on a lockout throughout the 2011 season. Sure, most of the networks would get the money paid back to them in full and a lower overall price, but why is it worth taking that hit? Even in the best of conditions, each network loses millions broadcasting the NFL. Why let the league ride roughshod over you like that?
DirecTV was the worst offender of all. According to the deal they signed with the NFL in 2008, 42 percent of their fees for the 2011 season were nonrefundable, EVEN IF THE 2011 SEASON NEVER HAPPENS. Worse still, the company would have to pay up to a nine percent premium if the season in canceled. The fuck is that? How has the CEO not been fired? I realize Sunday Ticket is a huge part of their appeal for drawing new customers. That must be why a subscription costs about as much as a semester in college, seeing as how the company is comfortable giving away half its huge yearly commitment to the NFL for NOTHING. REFUND ME HALF MY BILL, YOU MISMANAGED FUCKS.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news and humor before everyone else.