We dub thee: PIPPI BONGSTOCKING. Credit to Deadspin commenter Gamboa Constrictor for Laurence Maroney’s new nickname. As much as we enjoy calling him Koolaid, those braids and his performance for the last two years warrant a more feminine moniker.

Maroney’s mug shot, by the way, comes after police pulled over some SUVs following a RICK RAWSS concert in St. Louis. Long story short: marijuana and guns, although the real crime is failing to put up fantasy numbers in Bill Belichick’s offense.

Regardless: bout time we got some construda in dis mothafukka.