Via

Last Week: 6-10
Overall: 114-102-7

Merry Christmas Eve, readers. Hopefully by the time you’re reading this you’ve already enjoyed your first serving of Christmas booze (if your mom skimps on the nutmeg do not hesitate to call her out for it on Monday). A few more of those and perhaps you can even forget Freek’s disturbingly erotic animated gif.

Continue after the jump for a quick look at this week’s picks. I need some magic after last week’s disaster, so feel free to pray for me if you’re one of those people for whom Christmas is a churchgoing affair.

Carolina @ Pittsburgh – 14.5

I already picked out my Halloween costume for next year. I will commission a mask made to look like Jimmy Clausen at the exact moment the Panthers draft Andrew Luck this spring.

Dallas -6.5 @ Arizona

Speaking of the draft, I wonder if Jerry ever thinks that he should have kept Wade around to lose a few more games.

New England -8 @ Buffalo

Watch, they’ll blow it up again. Because they’re fucking evil.

New York Jets @ Chicago -1

Sanchez doesn’t have much zip on the ball after injuring his shoulder. The answer could be Mark Brunell, who hasn’t had much zip on the ball in five years.

Baltimore @ Cleveland +3.5

I feel as if I have bad luck when it comes to this game. The same with all Cleveland games really. I’d go back and look that up, but I don’t care and neither do you.

Washington +7 @ Jacksonville

It’s going to be an extra sexy Christmas.

Tennessee +5 @ Kansas City

Nobody knows.

Detroit +3.5 @ Miami

Are you still reading this shit? Go get a god damned candy cane.

San Francisco +2.5 @ St. Louis

San Diego -7.5 @ Cincinnati

Houston -2.5 @ Denver

Indianapolis @ Oakland +3

New York Giants @ Green Bay -3

Seattle @ Tampa Bay -6

Minnesota @ Philadelphia -14.5

New Orleans +2.5 @ Atlanta

Go with Duffman, friends.