DEAL WITH IT.


Holy cow, what a crazy week for the NFL — and already a wild year for fantasy football. Randy Moss to Minnesota, Brett Favre’s penis (allegedly!), Marshawn Lynch to the Seahawks, white running backs everywhere, Christopher Ivory (who’s black) and Ladell Betts in the Saints backfield, someone named Max Hall starting at quarterback for the Cardinals this Sunday, and the Chiefs at 3-0 are the only undefeated team in the NFL. There’s barely enough time to think about sex.

Except there’s ALWAYS enough time to think about sex. Thanks to everyone who sent in such concise questions this week, and apologies to those who didn’t make the cut — even with the short questions, we’re still clocking in at about 5,500 words. Woooo-wee! And not a friend zone question in sight! Don’t get used to it or this mailbag’s gonna make you spoiled.

Hey KSK,
Fantasy first: My RB situation outside of Frank Gore is pitiful: Snelling, McGahee, Lynch, Spiller. Any recommendations on where to find some help besides hoping for an injury or Lynch to get traded?

Looks like my work here is done.

Sex second: I’ve been dating this girl for about two and a half years. She’s finishing up grad school at the end of the year and I’m finishing undergrad in December. She’s only 21 and I’m 23 but we’ve made our intentions clear for where we both see the relationship going. I’ve been ring shopping and even have a deposit down on a pretty nice rock. The only problem is the job situation. Being a 5th year senior (I changed majors after my sophomore year was done) it’s been pretty difficult to find opportunities to get any work. I have a co-op right now that will hopefully turn into a real job offer a little later this year. She, being 21 and a graduate student, has offers flowing in from every possible place: Boise, NYC, San Diego, and around Philadelphia (which is where we currently live together). I don’t really want to leave the Philadelphia region because all of our friends and family are around here as well as the only job opportunity that I’ve been able to find, but I don’t want to feel like I’m holding her back here. Any advice on the situation?
-VB

All your friends and family being located in one place is precisely why you should go try living in another city. Unless that city is Boise.

But seriously, go and see the world — or at least another part of the Eastern seaboard. San Diego is a fucking FANTASTIC place to live. I’d be living there right now were it not for my love of changing seasons, public transportation, and mutant sewer rats. Speaking of which: New York City is a mere two hours from Philly by train, and it’s a great city for driven young people. Living in a cramped one-bedroom may not be the ideal situation for a young couple like you, but the trade-off is that you can explore a vibrant new city together. Whatever the case, if you’re serious about a life with this girl, you should be supportive of her and ready to follow her wherever she goes.

Unless it’s Boise.

Don’t. Move. To Boise.

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Caveman,
Sex:  I was going through some old mailbags, and came across this quote from
Sept 16: “Because we shared part of our lives with [our exes], they own a part of us.” This line is totally true for me. Nearly two months ago my first significant girlfriend (10 months long) dumped me, fairly out of the blue. Since then I’ve gotten over the actual dumping, but I still can’t “get over” her. I’m reminded of her all the time, whether it’s a song I hear on the radio we enjoyed, or a place I drive by where we had a memorable moment. Since I’ve never gone through this before, how long does it last? 3 months? Half the relationship? As long? Until I meet someone else? Unfortunately I haven’t had a rebound yet since I just graduated from college (one reason my GF –currently a senior– dumped me) so I don’t have any experience meeting girls in the “real world.”

Three months is a pipe dream. The “half the time of the relationship” is often a good rule of thumb, but when you’ve got it bad — and it sounds like you do — you stay hung up on that girl until you fall for someone else.

Here are the steps from recovering from a breakup, and if it sounds cliche it’s because EVERYONE goes through them and all the good advice has been repeated in movies (and this column) ad nauseam:

  1. No matter how long the relationship was, you’re allowed one month to feel sorry for yourself. One month of drinking by yourself and not shaving and looking at her Facebook photos late at night. ONE MONTH, and not a second more.
  2. After that, get your ass out of the house. Since all of your habits / music / usual hangouts remind you of her, you need new ones. Go to new places, meet new people, start new habits, learn a new skill. Run a thick Sharpie through everything and start anew. My favorite suggestions: taking cooking/bartending/wine-tasting classes or joining an interactive physical program, such as a running club or my beloved CrossFit. (And don’t rule out yoga classes: they’re an excellent source of cute girls with nice bodies.) The benefits of this are threefold: it gets your mind off the breakup, it improves you as a person, and it introduces you to new people who don’t know your ex.
  3. Pretend you’re over her. Don’t talk about her (even when you want to), go date other people (even though you still love her), and for God’s sake don’t contact her (even if you desperately want to hear from her). If you get into the habit of pretending you’re over her, eventually you’ll fool yourself into being over her long enough to meet someone new and great who’s even BETTER than that floozy you dated back in college. “Ha ha ha,” you’ll say to yourself or possibly to a hotter girl than your ex, “it’s hard to believe I was ever upset about that breakup.”

Again, this doesn’t happen overnight. It takes both effort (in focusing on other things) and restraint (from thinking about or contacting her). But the gaping emotional wound will scab over, then the scab will fall off, then the scar will fade until it’s just a part of you that don’t really think about. All you can do to help the healing process is move forward.

FF: Who’s my best second RB option (after our boy Charles): DeAngelo Williams (vs. Bears) or Ryan Torain (vs. GB) now that Portis is out.
-Constantly reminded of her

I’d go with Torain. I’ve never been enamored with Williams, and I’m even less so now that the Panthers’ offense is one of the worst in the league.

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Dear Fortress of Soliddudes,
FF: I’m not in a league, but have always thought about what my ideal team would look like based solely on cuteness/attractiveness.

Oh, female readers. You are a delight.

My friends say this team would suck, as I’d have a bunch of white guys on my team. But with the Jordy Nelsons and Wes Welkers of the world, I think I’d only be hurting for running backs. What do you think?

I think you’re racist. But it’s a good year to be a shallow racist making such a fantasy team: your running back selection includes John Kuhn, Peyton Hillis, and Danny Woodhead. I don’t know what Kuhn and Hillis look like without helmets, and Woodhead is a 5’7″ wiener-lookin’ dude, but hey, at least they pass the skin test.

Sex: How long is too long to have a fuck buddy? Me and this guy are getting close to a year and while the sex is awesome, I haven’t been fucking anyone else (much, maybe once) and am starting to think I’m getting complacent/used to fucking this guy and not opening myself up for new opportunities. Does that happen? Only to girls?
-Another Girl

Well, aren’t you just a dream girl: willing to give a man no-strings sex for up to a year. Most girls start asking for bullshit like “emotional involvement” and “monogamy” around the three-month mark.

If you’re happy with the sex and you don’t want anything more, then keep on keepin’ on. If you want more from this guy, then it’s time to sit down and have the “where is this going?” talk. And if you DO want a relationship but not with this guy, then you need to have the “This is great, but I need to move on” talk.

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Dear Emperors of Editing,
Sex: Bought a ring for my special lady, she’s gonna say yes (given previous conversations) but what’s a good way to ask? Don’t want to go traditional (restaurant/one knee/etc) or ostentatious (sporting event). She would go for corny to an extent.

I don’t want to sound unromantic, but you don’t need to have fireworks or a flock of doves or any of that bullshit. Life is not a romantic movie, so unless you’ve chiseled abs and rugged good looks and she’s got Katherine Heigl’s tits, you don’t need to win her over with some grand gesture. Purchasing an expensive-ass diamond and professing a lifelong willingness to love no other woman IS the grand gesture. And a pretty motherfucking gigantic one at that.

Now, I’m NOT saying that you should throw the ring at her and say, “Let’s do this, bitch.” I’m merely suggesting you keep it simple. Taking her to a nice dinner (or to a scenic place that’s special to the two of you) and telling her why you love her and why you want her to be your wife will give the moment all the romance it needs.

FF: Last week traded R. Rice (Bal) and M. Colston (NO) for LaToeInjury (NYJ), A. Bradshaw (NYG), and Megatron (DET).

I like that trade. Calvin Johnson is more reliable than Colston, and the NY running backs offer you nice flexibility over Rice, who’s been disappointing this season.

Week 4 happened and I look great on that trade, now the other owners are saying it was an unfair trade. In addition, I bet on the side with another manager before the trade who is now saying it’s not valid since I changed my team after the bet. How good is that trade long run and is the guy I made the bet with as off base as I think he is?
-(Eddie) Royal Pains

Okay, first of all, the other owners can go fuck themselves. Complaining about a trade (as long as it isn’t late-season collusion) is already a bitch move, but complaining about it only AFTER they see the results? The bitchest of moves.

As for the side bet, if the the other manager didn’t like that the trade changed your lineup, he needed to speak up BEFORE Week 4’s results. If you had lost despite that trade, he would have happily collected.

And for the record, I don’t think I play fantasy football with a single person who would weasel out of a bet like that. Some of you people have bitch-ass friends.

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Dear men hung like Santonio Holmes,

That’s kind of you, but untrue. We have much bigger dongs.

Football first: I have an amazingly mediocre stable of WRs to go along with Greg Jennings. Which two of Mark Clayton (@DET), Brandon Lloyd (@BAL), TB Mike Williams (@CIN) and Pierre Garcon (still gimpy, KC) should I start? I’m leaning toward Clayton and Garcon, if only for the matchups.

I’d go with Clayton and Williams. You’re right about Clayton and Garcon having better matchups, but Garcon’s missed two straight games. I’d want to see how he looks before thrusting him back into my lineup.

Sex: I’ve been seeing a woman for four months now, but I think I see her as more a friend than a significant other. We get along great, but I just don’t have that spark inside for her that I’ve had for other women in the past. What’s the best way for me to tell her that, since I do care about her and don’t want to hurt her too badly?
Sincerely,
Under 150 Words

“Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you, but I don’t want anything serious right now, and I’d really rather have you as my friend than my girlfriend.”

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Hey CC,
FF: Standard scoring, start 2 of Purple Jesus (@NYJ), Arian Foster (vs NYG) and Peyton Hillis (vs ATL).

I know what you’re thinking: “Damn, Hillis has been going off recently, and the Jets and Giants both have tough D-lines. And Randy Moss! Randy Moss could totally take away from Purple Jesus’s touches.”

Stop that. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. Do not trick yourself into starting a white running back on the Browns instead of Adrian Fucking Peterson. Listen, it’s possible that Hillis will have a better day than AP; fantasy football will always find new and inventive ways to screw you over. But Peterson can go off for 250 yards and 3 touchdowns any week against any team. And you don’t want to be the asshole who put Adrian Peterson on the bench for Peyton Hillis. That’s BEGGING for karmic retribution.

Start Peterson and Foster. Stick with your studs.

Sex: Had a thought the other day while my girlfriend was trying in the trying on clothes in the mall… Sex standing in a three-way mirror would be super hot. Thoughts? Concerns?
— Good Running backs, bad matchups

Three-way mirror, yes. In the mall, no.

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Fantasy First: I’m 0-4 in the only league I’m paying to play in. It’s a 10-team league with 6pt passing touchdowns. I grabbed Breesus and Deangelo Williams with my first two picks and felt pretty good about my chances. I benched Hakeem Nicks during his 25 point game (lost that week by a few) and Mike Wallace during his 28 point one the next week (lost that one too). I feel like I’m over thinking the match-ups and missing the obvious picks.

Trying to pick who’s going to have a breakout week is next to impossible. Right now I’m doing something called FanDuel where you have a fixed weekly salary cap, and you choose a different roster every week. I’m fucking terrible at it. Every week I play, someone gets injured or goes catch-less or throws three INTs in the second half (Rodgers!).

Even in my regular fantasy leagues (where, in my defense, I’m 4-0 in both leagues), every time I make a savvy move like starting LaDainian (133 yards, 2 TDs) over Matt Forte (33 total yards), I do something retarded like bench Anquan Boldin (71 yards) for Santana Moss (0 catches, 5 yards rushing).

If there’s a lesson here — and I’m not entirely sure there is — it’s that you should play it safe. Stick with established starters, and if you want to play what you think is a favorable matchup, do a little bit of research: make sure that you’re making a decision based off of a sensible statistical analysis, not a gut feeling based on anecdotal evidence.

Pick four (at least 2 WR) for next week: Ryan Matthews (@Oak), Joseph Addai (KC), Mike Tolbert (@Oak), Beanie Wells (NO), Hakeem Nicks (@Hou), Johnny Knox (@Car), Dwayne Bowe (@Ind), Jacoby Jones (NYG). Not only that, but David Garrard is going against Buffalo… Part of me wants to start him over Breesus, but I’m sure this’ll be the week he goes nuts. Also with the Steelers on a bye I’m considering picking up the Rams D for the week. Fuck yeah football!

Nicks, Bowe, Knox, Addai. I hate to leave both the Chargers’ RBs out of the lineup with that enticing matchup against Oakland — I’m sure one of them will have a bigger day than one of the receivers I picked — but Mathews looked good in his return last week and all signs point to the two of them splitting carries. If you can glean who’s going to get the lion’s share of touches — probably Tolbert — I’d give him the nod over Knox.

Also, picking up the Rams’ defense would be stupid — they’re playing at Detroit, and even though the Lions are 0-4 they’ve shown that they can put some points on the board. I’d try to grab the Bengals’ D — it’s a stout unit that’s playing at home against the Bucs, who don’t exactly have the most electric offense.

Sex stuff: I’m living in a new city with my girlfriend. I don’t know anyone outside of her and her family, and the town is small enough (i.e. no younger people, and no bars within a decent drives distance) that I don’t really have many chances to make friends. I’m not really too worried about it, I’m wrapping up my Master’s degree and she is working on her MBA. We’ve been planning on moving to wherever I get into grad school next year or the year after (I may defer, we’ll see). I really love this girl and have done as much as I can to show that I’m committed to her, and all signs point to her feeling the same way.

My only issue (duh), is the sex. She has said recently that she just doesn’t think about having sex very often… that it just doesn’t occur to her. When we do have sex, usually after I bug her about it for half an hour, she really enjoys it. While it can be difficult for her to orgasm, I’ve always made sure to get her there. My suspicion is that she doesn’t feel very sexy because she has gained a little bit of weight. She’s alluded to it before, but it’s starting to seem like it may really be the issue that’s bugging her. We’ve been planning on getting a gym membership which will help, but what do I do if she loses the weight and still isn’t interested in having sex more often than once every two weeks? I love this girl and want to make it work, but I can’t handle the constant rejection sex-wise.
-Charger fan who really loves the effort from his special teams.

Hoo boy. There are many cans of worms here that I don’t really want to open, and this question is going to elicit all sorts of comments from people who have inferred conclusions from their own experiences. So I’ll merely provide some talking points and concise suggestions:

  • If her extra weight is the source of her lack of sex drive, let’s not worry about the sex drive after she loses the weight.
  • Did she have a higher sex drive before she gained the weight? Because if she’s never been all that into sex, she’s not going to magically want more sex when you get married.
  • Being in love with someone does not necessarily mean that it’s a healthy relationship you should pursue.
  • Have a candid talk about the lack of sex. That way, you can eliminate the “suspicion” that it’s her weight and take the steps to correct it.
  • Regardless of whether or not she loses the weight, you need to make it crystal clear in no uncertain terms that two young, childless people in a relationship should be having sex more than twice a month. It’s completely unacceptable. Otherwise, you’re starting down a long road of wanting but not getting sex for the rest of your life. And it will be no one’s fault but yours.

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The Man who Puts the Sage in Sage Rosenfels–
Football: I have a little changeup for you. (apologies for the baseball terminology). A friend of mine started something called Derek Anderson Fantasy Football and he runs it with a group of us at his website. It came about after Anderson’s epic 2 of 17 for 23 yds and a pick performance in a 6-3 win against Buffalo last season. It has to be one of the worst performances ever by a QB in a win, and from that point on, it became an interesting subplot for us to look at bad QB play each week.

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

It morphed this year into the Fantasy League (a nice supplement to a regular league or two) where we each take two quarterbacks and are awarded points based on their ineptitude. For example, Anderson had 40 points last week. Jay Cutler put up 34.5 in the first half (historic to this point). The scoring system is weighted toward picks and fumbles, inaccuracy and losing the game with pick-6s being the highest point getter. We re-draft each week because bad QBs have a tenuous hold on their positions, and no one wants to do some kind of manual waiver wire. My question is, who do you think is going to suck more this week? I’m looking for a good pick in the 2nd round: Kevin Kolb against the 49ers? Is their defense showing some signs of life? Or, Favre against the Jets? He looks like he’s ready to go out in a blaze of pick-6 glory. Any thoughts?

What an absolutely fantastic idea. Personally, I’d love to get my hands on Max Hall — making his first career start against an opportunistic Saints defense. And Josh Freeman at Cincinnati is also enticing. (I’m assuming, of course, that Jimmy Clausen versus Chicago went first overall.)

Sex: What’s the policy on dating bisexual strippers?

Whenever possible. When a dying Tom Hanks tells Matt Damon to “earn this” in Saving Private Ryan, what he really means is “Date a bisexual stripper.”

Only if I get to enjoy the ‘perks’ of the lesbian tendency?

Whenever. Possible.

Is it considered cheating if I’m not there?

You’re dating a bisexual stripper. The fact that you could conceivably say, “No hooking up with girls unless I get to watch” should be its own reward.

Am I completely insane for trying to domesticate someone with severe daddy issues?
Thanks for Your Help,
Eddie Royal with Cheese

Absolutely. Those are some long-ass odds. But the mind-blowing sex will be worth it — until it isn’t. Patton Oswalt once wrote about how his stripper ex-girlfriend made him appreciate his wife:

MY WIFE AT HER WORST:
Sometimes yells. Sometimes conflates one mistake I’ve made into a global condemnation of my character. When I point this out, she relents, laughs at herself and apologizes.

MY STRIPPER EX-GIRLFRIEND AT HER BEST:
CHIVAS: [Her stripper name, not her real name] You didn’t introduce me to your friend.
ME: Whuh? [It's 4:17 A.M., and she's woken me up.]
CHIVAS: Two days ago. When we were on Larchmont and those people you knew came up. There were three of them, and you only introduced me to two.
ME: Mike and Millie? Those were the only two I knew. I didn’t know the third person, so I didn’t know his name…he was a friend of theirs.
CHIVAS: What the fuck were you thinking with that motherfucking mix tape, you faggot?!
ME: What?!
CHIVAS: [Louder, over the sound of her two pit bulls, both of which are now furiously barking] I hate Roxy Music!
ME: What…what…wait….
CHIVAS: You think I like listening to that shit? Make a different fuck mix.
ME: Uh….
CHIVAS:Is that why you didn’t introduce me to your gay friend on the street?
ME: What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you waking me up now?
CHIVAS: My dad molested me, and my dogs hate you.

Read the whole thing here (Playboy address, NSFW cartoons).

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Dear Moutainmen of Muff,
Fantasy first: I have Jamaal Charles and Joseph Addai as my starters but have Marshawn Lynch and Ryan Torain as my backups. Do I sit Addai to see what Torain can do against GB? Who do you think has greater upside for the rest of the season after the Lynch trade to Seattle?

Addai is projected to have a slightly better game than Torain, but I think they’re both solid, reliable plays. As for the rest of the season, Torain should be better than Marshawn. I think Lynch is the better player, but the Seahawks’ offense is absolute dogshit.

Sex: Been dating the same girl for about two years, things are going fine, but I feel like I’m becoming less and less sexually attracted to her. I’ve recently gotten my fat ass back into shape and she, while not not in shape, is definitely not as in shape as she could be.

I gathered that last point from the part where you said she wasn’t in shape.

She works long hours and doesn’t have the time to get up and go to the gym. I hate to sound shallow (so I will) but I really don’t want to be in the best shape of my life and have her take a nosedive. Advice?
Signed,
I Was Happier When I Was Fat

I’m not going to greenlight your breakup so you can go enjoy some hardbodies, but I will say this: being out of shape is a decision people make. Yes, some people are blessed with higher metabolisms than others, but “I don’t have time to exercise” can be accurately translated to “Exercise isn’t important enough to me to make time for it.” I work approximately sixty hours a week; I exercise about three hours a week. There’s time.

Besides, how you look is as much a result of diet as it is exercise. Big Daddy Drew lost 800 pounds essentially by giving up booze, second helpings, and food after 6 p.m. Any time I give up beer, I lose five pounds in the course of a week or two. Perhaps you can talk to her about how you want to eat healthier, and see if she’d like to help you cook all your own meals with fresh meat and vegetables for a month. Maybe if she sees a little headway with her body by changing her diet, she’ll be more inclined to starting an exercise routine.

Or you can just change the locks and put a sign on the door that says NO FATTIES. That leaves the decision in her hands, really.

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Gentlemen and fine purveyors suspect morals,
Fantasy First: I’m in a 10 team keeper league. We can trade draft picks (may or may not matter) and we have standard rules with PPR and big bonuses for big games. I took a flyer on VJax in the 13th round thinking that he would get traded, but since San Diego’s GM seems to be trying to prove a point, that’s not happening. This leaves me in an interesting spot. Should I hold onto him as keeper, only costing me a 13th round pick or cut my loses and open up a bench spot. We play with 6 bench spots plus an IR slot (where Mr. Jackson currently resides). I don’t know if he’d be any good after a year off, but the upside without much cost is tempting. Or, I could try and flip him for a middle round pick to some sucker. Whatcha think???

It depends on how your team is doing right now, but I’d be inclined to hold on to Jackson for the time being. Although there have been no rumors about it yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up in New England before his holdout is over. And frankly, the mere prospect of Tom Brady throwing to V-Jax — especially in a keeper league for the cost of a 13th rounder — would be enough for me to wait it out.

Sex: This is more of a married/relationship question. I’m about to hit my 1 year wedding anniversary and I have NO CLUE what to get my wife. She’s already picked out my gift and despite my best efforts to find said gift/get her hammered to spill the beans, I’ve got nothing. Do one of you fine gentlemen have any sort of guideline for gifts of this nature? I don’t want to under-gift, and playing it safe by blowing the bank isn’t super appealing either.
Thanks for your time
M

Hey, you’re the one who married her, you should have a better idea of what she wants than I do. Although if you asked me to spitball, I’d probably tell you to get something memorable from your wedding — an invitation, or one of the programs — and take it to a stained glass shop, where it can be set in something nicer than your basic wood frame. Voilà, a sign of your love you can hang on the wall.

P.S. If there were an under on 0 wins for the Bills this year, I’d take it. I want to go on record as apologizing to Luck/Locker/Mallet for taking you with our 1st pick in the coming draft. Sorry to ruin your career.

The millions of dollars they’ll get from a max contract will help ease that pain.

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Faceless friends,
FF: OMG WTF MOSS?? Not only did my double-Moss-double-donut at WR contribute to my one-point loss this week, but now I am watching Randy get traded to Minnesota. Wrangler Man is ancient and the his favorite receiver is unfortunately his opponent’s DB’s. My concern is that I already have Purple Jesus at RB. Does this open up the run for him now – pulling an extra defender to cover Randy – or does this steal touches from A.D. now that Favre has a new (sure to be double-covered) target to heave interceptions in the direction of? What’s my best move from here? Should I try to trade Randy and probably not get great value for him, or trade for A.D. and get (hopefully) another premium RB – keeping Randy as a flex? Starting both together (non-PPR league) is probably a bad idea right?

Holy shit, are you over-thinking it. Start them both.

P.S. – fuck Chad Henne right in his cyclops eye. Dumbshit stares down receivers like he’s trying to set them on fire with his mind.
Signed,
Flaccid Reflux

Another satisfied Brandon Marshall owner!

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Gents,
Fantasy: I’m the commish of a 12-team heads-up league. Two teams have just agreed on a trade: Peyton Hillis for Giants D/ST. Now, I am of course of the opinion that trading the 8th best fantasy RB for any D/ST, let alone a D/ST languishing on waivers in 67.4% of ESPN fantasy leagues, is incredibly unbalanced. But I am personally of the opinion that trades shouldn’t be vetoed except in cases where A) Both parties agree or B) a team that is out of playoff contention is deliberately making one-sided trades to benefit somebody else. I don’t like the idea of an commish subjectively judging a person’s strategy and I definitely don’t like the idea of rescuing people from their own stupidity, and think people should generally be allowed to manage their teams as they see fit. You agree or disagree?

I couldn’t possibly agree more. Except for the times when collusion seems likely, people who complain about other managers’ trades need to get punched in the throat. What they’re really complaining about is that someone took the opportunity to exploit a situation, and they didn’t. “It’s not fair!” What are you, fucking five years old? Welcome to Grownupville, bitches. The strong prey on the weak.

Sex: I’ve got a honeymoon coming up – a week in Miami. Any general honeymoon advice?
– Steve

Fuck a lot.

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Caveman,
Football: I need a bye week QB to start in place of Brady. My waiver wire options that I am considering are Palmer (TB), Bradford (@Det), Kolb(@SF). Is it crazy that I am leaning towards Bradford? Detroit has a solid offence, but I think I can throw a couple of touchdowns against that defense? Your Suggestion?

I agree; Bradford’s actually looking like a great pickup right now. Even though Palmer broke out of his early season suckitude with a great game last week, I’d still expect better results from the rookie.

Sex: Myself and a few friends

A few friends and I

had a recent drunken argument on if it is better to sleep with a good looking heavy chick or a below average girl with a good body? I tend to lean towards the good looking heavy chicks mainly because of the chance for there to be some sort of future weight loss. That way when I see her down the line at bar, restaurant, mall, etc I can tell whom ever happens to be with me that I used to bang that hot, skinny chick over there. Can you assist in settling this debate with what side of the fence you are on.
Thanks,
Fat over Ugly

Oh really? Does that happen a lot? “Wow, all of these fat girls I had sex with just lost all of that weight.” With respect, sir, I’d argue that over time, fat chicks have a tendency to either stay fat or get fatter.

Regardless, I think the winner in this argument is the guy who gets laid, and the loser is the single guy who turns down sex. “Sorry, chubby girl with the pretty face, I’m holding out for a busted chick with a nice body.” Any port in a storm, matey.

(image via)