Today is September 15th. Not a huge deal for most people, but for us freelancers — “independent contractors” — it means it’s time to pay quarterly taxes. Unlike many people, I’m happy to pay taxes. Sure, I’m aware that some of my money goes to pork-barrel politics, but it also pays the salaries of cops, firefighters, teachers, and people in the armed services. It probably makes me sound like a crazy liberal, but I think public school teachers deserve to be paid a living wage.

That said, paying quarterly taxes is like getting kicked in the junk four times a year instead of getting kicked in the junk REALLY HARD once a year. Honestly, if I had a choice between “get raped violently” or “get raped four times, but not as bad,” I’d go with the former. But that’s just me. I’m not a huge fan of rape.

Anyway, on to the Meast and Least…

The Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week for Week 1 is Arian Foster. The NFL somehow named Matt Forte the Offensive Player of the Week, which is pretty fucking generous for someone who averaged 2.9 yards per carry against the Lions. Here at KSK, we reward brute badassery, which is why we’ll take Foster, who gouged the Colts for 231 yards and 3 touchdowns IN HIS FIRST CAREER START. People, the Colts have a losing record because of Arian Foster. That is indeed a fantastic delight, and for that we say, “Arigato, Foster-san.”

Last season, we re-christened the Least of the Week for Nate Kaeding, but that seems a little premature for someone who might still salvage his career. And so the title shall revert to its original namesake: Your Jeff George Memorial Least of the Week for Week 1 is…

Alex Barron. Sure, we can just as easily pin the Cowboys’ loss on Tashard Choice, but we take the first half as a given, while games are determined by final plays.

Oh, and don’t worry, Mark Sanchez. You’ll win Least of the Week before the season’s over. You just keep checking it down.