Whoopity. Looks like we forgot something.
It’s Friday (weeeeeee!). Discussion has already moved on to this weekend’s slate of games, yet even the combined force of all the KSK writers overpowering laziness (and, yes, that includes Punter’s too) cannot let a full week pass without awarding our pointless individual honors to the best and worst of the previous week’s action. So, without further delay, your Meast and Least of Week 2.
Your Meast for Week 2 is Clay Matthews, who registered three sacks for the second week straight. You might be inclined to argue, “Hey, that shouldn’t count! It came against the Bills!” Well, you have to remember you only get so much time to sack a Bills quarterback before they fumble the snap. Adds an element of challenge to pass rushers not otherwise provided by Buffalo linemen. It’s probably only a matter of time until Matthews gets caught taking steroids like his former USC teammate Brian Cushing, so there’s only so much time to enjoy his ransackings before that happens.
Also receiving fleeting consideration were LeSean McCoy, Jahvid Best, Cameron Wake, James Harrison, and, surprisingly, Mark Sanchez. We gloried in Nacho’s Week 1 failings, but he turned in a respectable effort in beating the Patriots. Good on you, inadvertent Taco Bell spokesperson. Now kindly get back to sucking. Andale!
Your Least for Week 2 is Joe Flacco. The Ravens went out and got Natty Joe one hell of a receiving corps in the off-season and he has awarded their generosity by playing the worst stretch of his career that didn’t occur in the postseason. Flacco threw four interceptions in Cincinnati, which has dropped his passer rating to a godawful 41.3. That’s good enough to be worst among all starters in the NFL. Even Matt Moore!
You know Flacco had to have had a really shitty day given how much we wanted to give the Least to Brett Favre. Thanks bunches, Mr. Eyebrow Tweaker.
Of course, when your team’s starting QB plays that poorly, you generally don’t expect to win. And the Ravens did not. Any other fan base would put such a disastrous performance behind them, hope for improvement and move on to the obviously winnable game against Cleveland at home. But oooohhhh fucking no, not mewling goddamn pathetic Ravens fans. Check out this bullshit tear-stained conspiracy piece the sports editor of some shitty local rag near Bawlmer wrote in an op-ed that was published today. “James Harrison didn’t get a personal foul penalty in the Steelers game, so OBVIOUSLY the refs were out to get us in our game. THIS IS WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENS! Waaaah WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”
Sure, that’s just some shit paper from a bumblefuck town 100 miles from Baltimore. But podunk exurban towns are where, like, 90 percent of Ravens fans live. All the meth is purple. All the depression is crippling.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.