This past Friday, the news came out that John Harbaugh doesn’t expect Sergio Kindle to play this season because of the injuries sustained when the second-round pick fell down a flight of stairs during training camp. Instead of the understandable sympathy another might show to a serious injury sustained because of a medical issue like narcolepsy, our line of thinking instantly retreated to DURR HURR HIS LAST NAME IS THE SAME AS THAT FANCY READING DO-HICKEY!

So we got to thinking: how can we incorporate trendy devices into the names of prominent NFL players? Why? Because it was Friday and we were bored and possibly on drugs. Fortunately, we were so moved by the force of our collective wit that we decided to share the fruits of our pointless time-wasting endeavor.

We occasionally bent the rules a few times, instead straying into faddish online sites and sometimes using devices that haven’t been considered current in nearly a decade. Got a problem? Do us one better in the comments, then.

Mathias Wiiwanuka

TomTom Brady

Bernard Blackberrian

Blu-Rey Malaluga

Jeremy Mac-lin

SIRIUS Norwood

Antonio Gateway

Antwaan Randle LCD

Yeremiah Dell

iOmegatron

Limas Tweet

Droidell Williams

Sony Stylez G. White

Derrick iPod Dockery

SanCasio Holmes

Samsung Hurd

Aaron RSS

Alge Tumblr

Maurice Jones-USB Flash Drive

Okay, we’re stretching on that last one. Want more? Might I suggest you go to Jahvid Best Buy for inspiration.

Don’t mind this unrelated whoring for my Designed Rush column at SB Nation.