Donovan McNabb spouted off to GQ yesterday about his time with the Eagles and that time he threw up on the field (he says he didn’t) and blah blah blah. And what McNabb said wasn’t half as interesting as the response it got around Philly, most from notably local Mark Whicker clone Bob Ford.
You know, given the fact that the internet is around, I forget from time to time that some newspapers actually exist, and that they still somehow employ, pay, and give benefits to columnists as spectacularly awful as Ford. Read this opening. Go ahead. Read this piece of shit.
All these years, I thought GQ stood for Gentleman’s Quarterly, but when the magazine came out with its exclusive, wide-ranging interview with Donovan McNabb this week, it’s obvious the initials stand for Gone Qwazy.
Holy shit, that is awful. But wait! He’s not done yet!
Because that’s where McNabb has gone. Not Washington, D.C., or Landover, Md. But Qwazy, USA, Zip code 55555.
Just in case that Gone Qwazy joke didn’t make you laugh hard enough the first time, BOOM! Bob hits you with it back to back! It’s a trick gleaned from the ol’ Eric Stangel playbook. He fucking qwushed that joke. Just stone cold QWUSHED it.
This man will be jobless soon.
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“Qwazy in Qwest Field! McNabb throws for three scores as Redskins down Seahawks”
– Qwazytown Inqwirer
Bob Ford is a Qunt.
Quaaludes are phun!
Jesus Qwist.
In McNabb’s defense, he did have no beer and no TV.
Quist, I hate Bob Ford.
That should probably say, “Qwist, I hate Bob Ford.” With a long “I” because . . . Aw, fuq it.
Bob Ford is a dumb Quacker.
It’s funny because McNabb wears #5, and the zip code for Qwazy, USA is “55555.” I bet the area code is “555″.
And qwaziest part is that Bob Ford isn’t even the worst one in Philly. You mean you didn’t realize there were 4-5 different people at Philly.com (the Inky and Daily News) writing columns about the Eagles in a given week? Get back to us after you’ve soaked up a few efforts from Ashley Fox and “Gonzo.”
Also, you must have missed this one from Bob Ford over the weekend:
“CINCINNATI – The education of Brandon Graham continued Friday night in Paul Brown Stadium. It is an accelerated course the Eagles rookie is taking, majoring in defensive end with an interesting minor in defensive tackle thrown in for good measure.”
…along with a certificate program in tackling people and an unfinished PhD in looking tough.
Ouch.
Added Ford, “What’s next for McNabb? A gwipe-fest with SI? This qwazy Wedskins Qwazyback would turn the SI in Sports lwwustrated into Siwwy Injun.”
And to be fair, McNabb says in the article that a ref told him there would be 5 extra minutes at the end of that OT game against the Bengals.
WAIT, WHAT? REALLY? What a bunch of crap. I give it to Week 6 before Skins fans start calling McNabb a Bama.
Ugh. Gonzalez (the only Gonzo I acknowledge has a big nose and loves a chicken named Camilla) is the worst. It’s like somebody said, “We need a columnist who writes like Angelo Cataldi talks, but dumber.”
Actually 55555 is the zip code for Young America, MN.
/not making that up
//shows self out
“This man will be jobless soon.”
You’d think so, but probably not
Ah the fun of the internet, where local stupidities get broadcast for all to see. Judging by his bio page ([www.philly.com]), he’s old enough to have shot Jesse James and is capable of such thought provoking articles as (these are real):
“Utley’s back, but Phils still must play hard”
“Kolb has to escape McNabb’s shadow”
“Can new faces take Eagles to new places?”
“Stakes extremely high for 76ers in draft”
Could any of those be any more thrilling to the human soul? I look forward to next week’s column “Mixed Preseason Results May or May Not Help Eagles”.
philly sports talk = funnier than NBC
@Tracer Bullet: It’s like somebody said, “We need a columnist who writes like Angelo Cataldi talks, but dumber.”
Thanks pal, now I’m going to have to spend all morning cleaning up the scattered bits of my brain.
Wait a second… McNabb said he didn’t throw up on the field in the Super Bowl? Are you for fucking serious? Did he accuse CBS of splicing a clip from “Any Given Sunday” into the broadcast without anyone noticing? Maybe he did go qwazy.
Qwappy whiting is as qwappy whiting does.
Who has two thumbs and loves Chunky soup?
Be vewwy vewwy qwiet! I’m hunting wetahds.
That artiqle was quomplete shit. I guess all the times McNabb sided with management and took the high road instead of defending T.O. and his antics was forgotten as soon as he was traded to the Skins. As I Cowboys fan, I hope both teams faiww miserabwwy this season, but it will be especiawwy nice to watch when Eagles fans turn on Kolb after a couple of bad starts.
/Let’s read what Bob Ford says then
WHAT’S the DEAL with AIRPLANE FOOD? I mean, COME ON!
I qwinge on behalf of society
That joke is a war crime.
What a qwappy joke. Everyone knows zip codes start at 0 on the East Coast and go up as you move westward.
Am I the only one reading all of this with an Elmer Fudd voice in my head?
That opening sound like my mom wrote it.
It’s funny because McNabb wears #5, and the zip code for Qwazy, USA is “55555.” I bet the area code is “555?.
Wow, I never realized how many TV shows were set in Qwazy, USA.
You just don’t understand that deliberately misspelling words is fucking hilarious.
If you were a scribe like this Ford fellow, believe me, you’d be ROFL at his literary hijinks.
I’d rather be in Qwazy than Swayze. I’m too young to go to Hell.
It’s like somebody said, “We need a columnist who writes like Angelo Cataldi talks, but dumber.”
@Tracer….and then, for good measure, let’s give him a daytime slot on the radio! Genius!
This column made most Eagles fans quack up when they read it, er, had it read to them.
As a Cowboys fan, I look forward to a Kevin Kolb led Eagles team. Between a newbie QB and Andy Reid’s ” clock management skills ” the Dallas’ coaching staff…..
/looks at Dallas HC
/looks at Dallas OC
/looks at Dallas’ impotence in the red zone
/show self out
You drive me qwazy, I just can’t sleep…oh this isn’t Britney Spears rehash night?
AAHHHH qwaterback is qwazzier than youah qwaterback!
It’s articles like this that force me to go back to watching that Colts chick video shaking her ass.
I am
sofa king
We Todd dead
“I got hit and dumped on my face a couple of times . . . we lost Todd Pinkston . . . we all were gassed, and there were a couple of times in the game where I got hit either by [Tedy] Bruschi or by [Richard] Seymour, I had grass in my helmet, and maybe I lost my wind a little bit, but nothing to the point where I would come out of the game,” McNabb said.
I am 100% sure you cannot leave out the part before or after it says “we lost Todd Pinkston”…that’s like using the Favre NBC clip to sound like a pedophile.
StuScottBooyahs: Are you sure it’s not a War qwime?