The premiere of the Jets season of Hard Knocks went about as well as could be reasonably expected. Granted, the requisite focus on marginal players, even if one of them was named John Conner, did slow things down a little, but you never know when one of those storylines will produce gold. Otherwise, it was a non-stop cavalcade of life imitating crude, foul-mouthed KSK art, as Rex was pure KSK Rex. In fact, they might be indistinguishable at this point.

There were more than a few to cull from, but here were the five best moments for us:

5.

Kudos to NFL Films and HBO to get Rex talking shit in the first minute of the broadcast. Leave no doubt whatsoever what we’re getting.

4.

The last thing we want to resort to is using trite Jersey Shore jokes when talking about the Jets, but with the presence of one coach’s spray-on tanner and the fact that both Joe Namath and Woody Johnson were poppin’ collars, well, I’ll just stop before I stray into Eric Stangel territory. Nice old man waist, Patron Saint.

3.

LaToeInjury got a ton of screen time in this episode and some of it was actually favorable. He caught a 70ish yard touchdown pass in practice, by far the high water mark of his season. Also, he got a little poop material from Coach Rex. TIME TO START SHITTING BIKES, SON!

2.

“Does it matter that Revis isn’t here? Goddamn, he’s pretty f*cking good.” So was this speech.

1.

Bart Scott called Mark Sanchez “Nacho”. Further confirmation that KSK doesn’t so much satire NFL players as create their personalities for them. Sure, it’s possible that it was just a coincidence, since Scott has a history of race-based taunts (see: “Soy Sauce” for Hines Ward). Whatever. We saw Rex trolling the ESPN comment boards. HBO and the NFL just wouldn’t let you show KSK. We don’t believe in coincidences. WE BELIEVE IN F*CKING WINS!